I'm still praying

I don't think I wrote it down but I've been fasting and praying for Jessica's healing. I guess it's been 6 days so far. I plan to fast , God willing until next Sunday (10 days). Why 10 days? I began on July 4TH, and will end it on July 14Th. Juergen's mom was born on July 14TH. I am hoping for a real breakthrough by her birthday.


Jess has been calm this week. She even let me put her hair up before school today. I want God to heal her before she goes to America. I don't want to bring diapers. I also want to celebrate her healing in the USA. Sure, I will accept her healing any day, any time but I might as well ask God for what I want. I want it on the 14TH. I want joy in the USA. I want JOY!!!! Oh, yesterday I felt like I should buy Jessica under ware. I went to the store and the first under ware I picked up had Mickey Mouse on them. Perfect!!! Jessica still wares diapers. I hope she can use these new Mickey under ware at Disneyland.

Kung Fu Panda

Today we took all our kids to see Kung Fu Panda . All our kids. Jessica doesn't generally go to movies. I can not remember the last time she was able to sit in a theater but I've been praying. She was restless but sat through the entire film. Now she is so proud of herself. I can not wait to see what she tells her teachers this week. I'll have to buy her a Kung Fu Panda t-shirt or something when I am at Disneyland in a few weeks. Thank God for the small steps of progress I see emerging in her life.

she wants it

Last night I almost forgot to pray for Jessica. I've been praying every night for her healing. She grabbed my hand as I tucked her in to bed. She wanted prayer. And so I prayed, "God heal Jessica...deliver her from this autism...loosen her tongue so that she can talk...freedom God...freedom...In Jesus wonderful name... Amen"!!!

Hope deferred makes the heart sick

I was standing with Jessica today waiting for her bus to come. She was very sweet. I talked to her about our trip. At one point she presses into me giving me a warm hug. I said, "Jessica are you ready to be healed"? She pulls away and walks away. I said "Jessica, do not doubt it, God loves you and wants to make you whole". She wants it too, I know it. She is just so afraid it will never happen and hope deferred makes the heart sick.

A good hair day

This morning Jessica could not wait to go to school. She is meeting a friend, her teacher of 9 years Frau Grimm. The school has decided Jessica needs to get use to new people, so they hired a new personal aid for Jessica. She only gets her old teacher one time per week. She was so happy it was Grimm day she got on the bus and kissed the driver! I feel a little sorry for her new aid, but you can never replace the love of an old friend.

God is good

"He is good and His love endures forever, He is good and His love endures forever...forever"!!! This is the praise song the band at the Lakeland revival was playing just now. I just met my good friend Inkeri. I told her I would take Jessica for prayer in California. I have gotten some pretty negative feedback from a number of people who think I'm basically crazy. I have to admit I should be use to the negative stuff but it always discourages me. I know what I'm doing. I'm not crazy. I know what the Bible says about healing. Why would I believe God can save our sins, but not believe this same God can heal?

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

Jesus died for our sins, but was also wounded for our healing! Any way, Inkeri was wonderful as always. She did not discourage me, she prayed for me.

Just what I needed

I'm weak in the knees

I lose heart. I think the closer I get to our trip the more fear grows in my heart. A week ago I was excited. I had so much hope. Now I feel like even if I go to all the "big" meetings with the "important" healers nothing is going to happen. I will go away disappointed. I will beg my Heavenly Father for the desire of my heart and I will be hurt. Where does this come from? Why would I feel God will leave me empty? Healing for Jessica just seems such a big mountain to "move". I can pray, "God bless me",but God heal Jessica seems so big. I could believe for others, but for her? I think it just makes everything so strange to fix my eyes on healing. I actually know my Heavenly Father knows what I need (and want). I can not feel like a beggar. I can not hold my breath just hoping that Jessica will be touched by God. This is way out of my hands. All I can do is long to touch God. All I can seek is Gods presence. I know if I can be in his presence then I will be satisfied no matter what happens. If Jess gets healed great. If not I can not control it. I have asked. I will keep asking, but it just can not be such a fixation. I'm losing heart. I feel so much despair. I need peace. If I am in Gods hand, I know it will be perfect no matter what happens. I don't think its pride, I would beg if I felt it would change things. I just get the feeling I do not have my focus in the right place. I am looking at the need not the answer. God is my answer...if I have him I have everything. With out him, I have nothing.

Believe and not doubt

Believe and not doubt

Last night I told a Christian friend I was taking Jessica to the revival meeting. She responded with a question, “and you want to see God heal Jessica”?????
Her question was so filled with doubt it made me feel like a stupid fool. I tried to stay calm. I asked her the question “do you believe God can heal”? She said she has never seen it and has only read about it in the Bible. I tell you, I believe that God heals. I know I must look like some kind of religious freak. I guess that’s ok with me. I’m not proud, I’m so desperate. I’m not just desperate to see Jessica healed. I’m also desperate for more of God. I want more of God. I love Jessica so much. I’ll never stop looking for her healing. I have always believed God can heal. I know we don’t see healing so much in the west…but I also believe that is also going to change. We will all see God’s manifest glory and then it will not be so hard to believe. For Jessica’s sake, I hope we see the healing revival hit Germany soon.

Randy Clark On Healing & Miracles

I was laying in bed with Jessica holding her hand. I was praying for her to be healed. Then I heard the name Randy Clark. I have never heard Randy Clark, I thought he was a singer. I looked him up on you tube and this is what I found.

a letter

Tonight I felt like I should write a short letter about Jessica's autism. It's a short history and some photos of her. I'm going to the USA to pray for her healing. I am hoping, by faith that Jessica is so healed I will need some "proof" that she was ever sick. Of course I don't need to prove her autism to anyone that knows us. I guess it's just a step of faith. I've been thinking about it for days. I hope I will have a very good reason to use this paper. I will leave that in God's hands. I was driving in the car, bringing Sarah home from swimming. She wanted an ice cream NOW!!! I said, I will give you an ice cream, just later. Later was not the answer she wanted to hear. I said, later. Then I felt God speak to my heart. He said, would you trust me with Jessicas healing. If I say I will give you what you want, I just get to say when. I said OK God. Tell me yes, and I will just trust you for the when. I hope God will heal Jessica even before we go to America. I want to leave the diapers at home. I want to spend 2 weeks just celebrating what God has done. I don't want to feel any pressure like, Oh man, we are going to see Bonnke...Jessica has to be healed NOW!!! I'm waiting for God to give me a very clear "yes I will heal her, just trust me". So far I have not gotten a yes. And so I just keep seeking, asking.

Plans

I wanted to begin to write about Jessica's summer trip to America. I plan to publish this at the end of July when we go to Oregon. I have not told my parents I'm bringing Jessica. I want to keep this a surprise. This is why I am delaying the publication of this and future posts.
Today I bought tickets to see Reinhard Bonnke at a prayer breakfast in Anaheim on the 26Th of July. I had to change my airline tickets. We now fly to Oregon one day later. My parents will be sad about this, but they don't know I will have Jessica with me.
Todd Bentley will also be preaching on the evening of July 26Th in LA. So I will (God willing) be taking Jessica there too. Todd Bentley has been praying for thousands of people in Florida and many amazing miracles have taken place. I have such a great hope of expectation God will bless Jessica on our trip. Reinhard Bonnke wrote in his latest newsletter, " the atmosphere of expectation is the seedbed of miracles". My expectation is high, and a miracle is what we need.

I'm Looking into Neurofeedback

Recent research has shown that autistic disorders have as their
basis disturbances of neural connectivity. Neurofeedback
seems capable of remediating such disturbances when
these data are considered as part of treatment planning.
Connectivity-guided neurofeedback is capable of significantly
remedying these anomalies and reducing autistic symptoms

a day in court

Families argue autism-vaccine link in special U.S. court.

Tomatis for Autism

TACA

I just ran across this family support group for families of Autistic kids. It looks really great. If you have an autistic child you may want to check them out. I think I will look into their on line support group.

After the parade has gone by

As I watched all the coverage CNN gave to Autism yesterday, I was amazed. I don't think I've ever seen them cover any subject (apart from the election) quit so well. Really, it was amazing. I'm sure many people, who had no idea about Autism learned allot. That is wonderful. But today I feel like someone left to pick up the paper and spilled popcorn after the parade has past by. I just changed Jessica's stinky diaper. She may be more understood by more people (that is very good) but she is still sick. The world may take notice of our kids one time per year, but we fight this battle every day. I have to be honest, I wish she was not Autistic. I wish I could say I did not understand this need so very well! But I do understand it. I simply need to gather my courage up, and just keep walking. I know (sadly) I am not alone. Million’s of other families all around this world are also scraping the gum off the side walk today. We serve our kids. It was nice the world stopped and took notice. None of us are doing this for the attention any way. It is a labor of love. I truly love my girl!

CNN's Autism news

HERE is a link to CNN's autism news. They have about 20 videos and stories from around the world (China, India, the Middle East and the USA). Interesting stuff.

Autism the gift

This is the beautiful words of one mom. Her son had autism. He died from a heart problem. He totally reminds me of Jessica (the diapers, and the loving heart). Jessica also goes up to strangers and hugs them. I've seen sad lonely people in tears because Jessica hugged them.

My child has autism, what do I do?

I posted a note about my autism blog on a few Yahoo groups last night. This morning I had 3 e-mails from families that just found out one of their kids has a form of autism. If I could hug you I would. I know how hard and sad it is. It took us 6 years to find out Jessica had autism. She began speaking when she was 6 months old. She lost her speech and many other skills at 18 months of age. We sought help. Know one gave us a straight answer. We went from specialist to specialist. It took 6 years to finally hear the words autism. They say that it is so important to receive early intervention. We lost many important years. Unless God heals Jessica (and I do believe in healing) Jessica will never recover from Autism. But your child is young. Your child does not need to wait. Start by reading Jaquelyn McCandles: Children with starving brains. Find a DAN Dr. Also, get your child into an early educational program.
People are seeing their children recover from autism. Not every child can or will recover. Girls don't seem to recover as well as boys. Every child benefits from intervention. Autism is a sickness. It has very real symptoms that can be treated. I don't fight autism, but the symptoms of autism. The sleeping problems, the digestive problems. These are the things I can actually do something about. I can not make Jessica better, as in "normal". I can however help her become healthier. When she is healthier, she can manage stuff better.
One final thought. If your child has a form of autism you are going to feel the loss. You lost the “perfect”, “normal” child we all hope to have. The future (both your Childs future and your own…because this will effect you) seems uncertain. Realize you lost that perfect child, but you still have a child. They maybe a stranger but they live. They have worth. They have value. They will march to a totally different drummer, and you will find in yourself strength you never knew you had. Do not lose yourself in the process. Don’t lose your marriage (I write this because 85 % of all couples with an autistic child end up divorced). Treatment for autism can be an emotional roller coaster of hopes and disappointments. Do what you can for your child, but realize even the very best parents have no control over how one child responds to treatment. Some respond, others do not. Let go of your expectations…Just love your child and try to help them get healthier. If you are a person who can learn to value what is in front of you, and not mourn for what you may never have you will inspire the world. You will also be happy. If you fall into the mud, and never get up…you will lose more then your child. You are not alone. Unfortunately millions of families around the world deal with autism. We all feel the loss because our child is sick. Some of us learn to fight, and we also achieve extraordinary things because we learned to rise to this challenge. Learn to love your child right now…where they are and how they are. Work very hard, and do not worry about where you will be in 5 years or even 6 months. Don’t compare your child to anyone else. Learn to love them.

Some of Jessica's thoughts

Jan 2000

Dear Oma, I want to express family thanks to you. We were currently very much shocked when we found out that you have to leave us. Daddy makes very sad face and mom started to cry. You are such a good person. And also you comfort everyone else. I am worried about opa because he will then be alone.
I was told in religion class that we live on after we die. I was surprised to notice that I am not afraid of death, because then all will be healthy and meet again. Also I will then be without disability. Let us leave anguish behind and plant hope in our hearts.

March 6, 2008 (Jessica's questions in her Religion class at school)


Question: Do large reactions sometimes have to happen to cause betterment of the world? I mean, if desaster times are necessary to make people believe again?

Question: I want to know why God is sad when people disobey [him].

I like to go into the religion class and am considering to be nice and behave well

Question: Can Mr Kamuf tell me if the righ to be a guest on earth must be earned?

[What do you mean by that?]

I mean if we have to earn the new life by virtuous behavior? I am in anguish because I do not know what worthless life of disabled people is supposed to accomplish. I cannot let up being watchfull.

[What do you mean?]

I mean, why do bad hearts have to wait for heaven time and are not punished on earth? I am very thankful for these conversations and will try to behave.

Mr. Kamuf [the religion teacher] has respectfully given me comfort. I can bear autistic disability better now. We will tell him that he has to come again and talk to us.

Service Dogs May Help Autistic Children

Here is another story about service dogs. I wish they had something like this in Germany. Jessica should have a dog! We have a dog, but he is no help!!!

How is autism diagnosed?

Autism varies widely in its severity and symptoms and may go unrecognized, especially in mildly affected children or when it is masked by more debilitating handicaps. Doctors rely on a core group of behaviors to alert them to the possibility of a diagnosis of autism. These behaviors are:

*
impaired ability to make friends with peers
*
impaired ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
*
absence or impairment of imaginative and social play
*
stereotyped, repetitive, or unusual use of language
*
restricted patterns of interest that are abnormal in intensity or focus
*
preoccupation with certain objects or subjects
*
inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals

Doctors will often use a questionnaire or other screening instrument to gather information about a child’s development and behavior. Some screening instruments rely solely on parent observations; others rely on a combination of parent and doctor observations. If screening instruments indicate the possibility of autism, doctors will ask for a more comprehensive evaluation.

Autism is a complex disorder. A comprehensive evaluation requires a multidisciplinary team including a psychologist, neurologist, psychiatrist, speech therapist, and other professionals who diagnose children with ASDs. The team members will conduct a thorough neurological assessment and in-depth cognitive and language testing. Because hearing problems can cause behaviors that could be mistaken for autism, children with delayed speech development should also have their hearing tested. After a thorough evaluation, the team usually meets with parents to explain the results of the evaluation and present the diagnosis.

Children with some symptoms of autism, but not enough to be diagnosed with classical autism, are often diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Children with autistic behaviors but well-developed language skills are often diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Children who develop normally and then suddenly deteriorate between the ages of 3 to 10 years and show marked autistic behaviors may be diagnosed with childhood disintegrative disorder. Girls with autistic symptoms may be suffering from Rett syndrome, a sex-linked genetic disorder characterized by social withdrawal, regressed language skills, and hand wringing.

Autism in South Africa

http://edition.cnn.com/video/#/video/health/2008/04/01/curnow.autism.africa.challenge.cnn

What is autism?

Autism (sometimes called “classical autism”) is the most common condition in a group of developmental disorders known as the autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). Autism is characterized by impaired social interaction, problems with verbal and nonverbal communication, and unusual, repetitive, or severely limited activities and interests. Other ASDs include Asperger syndrome, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, and pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (usually referred to as PDD-NOS). Experts estimate that three to six children out of every 1,000 will have autism. Males are four times more likely to have autism than females.

Autism month

April is Autism awareness month. There is already a great deal written about it on the Internet. I saw an ad on CNN about the scope of Autism. It made me cry. I really can not say why. I don't really think it was because Jessica has Autism. I think it was sadness about all those other children who have it...and all those families affected by it. Autism has become far to common, yet it has more then a common impact upon our lives.

http://edition.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2008/news/autism/

Extreme Home makeover

Extreme Home makeover helped a family that has 5 autistic kids. I wish I could also get an extreme home makeover!

Dog helps autistic girl

Helper dog helps an autistic girl.

No day in court

I’m very sad today. Now and then I get hit by a wave of sorrow. I feel like I could just drown in it. God lift my head up so that I can breath. I watched a short report on Larry King on CNN. It was an interview of a family whose daughter has autism. They just won a court settlement against a drug company who put mercury in the vaccinations that may have caused this girls autism. There are over 5000 families waiting for their day in court. Our family will never receive justice. There is a 3 year statute of limitation on law suites against drug companies. So little was known back in 1993 when Jessica first received the vaccinations that took away her voice and her future. It took over 5 years for us to even learn she was on some kind of autism spectrum. I’m grateful if the companies are forced to take mercury out of vaccinations. I’m grateful if children and their families receive at least some small form of compensation. Only God himself can wipe away my tears and make up for all I have lost. There will never be any justice for us on earth. I need to remind myself that God is very good. He is the God to those who feel powerless. I am not against doctors and vaccinations. Doctors saved Jessica’s life when she was just 3 months old with a heart condition. Vaccinations save millions of people from sickness. It is the desire to make cheap drugs with harmful preservatives like mercury that I am agents. It was the drug company’s desire to save $1 per vaccination that drove them to use mercury. My daughter could speak when she was just 6 months old. Now she has no voice, no friends, and very little future. My heart hurts…and we will never receive our day in court. Who ever said life was fair? It is not fair. It is a short life, and it will soon pass away. It is a very fragile thing. My sweet baby was broken. It is nothing that can be corrected. No court date or money could make up for it. I am glad for the families that will receive money. Autism cost so much money to treat. Nothing could replace our children. I feel so much loss today. Something like this makes me look at what I have lost. I guess what I need more then anything is to fix my eyes on everything else I have. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. Even without a voice Jessica is a treasure to me. How we feel often depends on where our focus is. In the end I will say I am rich. I have been made rich. I have much more then I deserve. I am blessed.

finding her voice

Here is a news story sent to me by my friend Heather about an autistic girl who learned to use the computer to write. I love the voice generator on her computer. This kind of sound scares Jessica, so I don't think she would ever use something like this. Perhaps we can try it? Jessica does write, but not often. I would love to communicate more with her. You have no idea what a gift words are until you do not have them.

Mercury Toxicity & Autism

A world with out Autism

http://www.whatkindofworlddoyouwant.com/videos/view/id/408214

Jessica bird

Jessica loves to rip paper. Over Christmas we gave her a large number of science magazines to read and rip. It was part of her Christmas gifts. I pick up a very large bag of old paper from her floor every weekend. Don't get all upset with me about the trees...I try to give her really old magazines no one wants anyway. She often sits in this paper. I was changing her for bed. I said "Jessica, you look like a big bird sitting on your nest". She smiled at me and said very clearly "bird"! So now I'm calling her "Jessie bird". She loves it!

Autism the Hidden Epidemic, on MSNBC .

Autistic teen who wandered off during hike found alive, this story makes me want to cry. Jessica can not talk. If she got lost, I would be so afraid! Thank God he is safe!

Jessica's 16th birthday

Today was the 16Th birthday of Jessica. I took her shopping and let her buy what ever she wanted. She was very sweet, and happy. She held my arm in the store, and kept hugging me. She has simple taste. I bought her two books, and a DVD (all Disney stuff). Her grand mother e-mailed her and her teacher called on the phone. We sang happy birthday to her at breakfast. There were no parties. I'm not thinking about the past 16 years, or considering her future. Today I'm just thinking about what a gift she is to me, and trying to make sure she enjoys the day in her own special way...mostly isolated but emerging from time to time for a drive with her dad or a shopping trip with me.

Toy story in French

I was at a 2ND hand shop yesterday. They had the video toy story, one of Jessica's favorites. I picked it up for one euro. When I got home I realized it was in French. Jessica loves it! She wants to watch it day and night. You can hear her laughing out loud and the whole floor shakes because she is jumping up and down for joy. Could she be learning to speak French? She knows the movie by heart in English and German...and now French!

My teacher, my child

It's been a while since I've written on Jessica's blog. It's summer vacation. I try to post every day on my other blogs...but run out of steam for this blog. I'm a little emotional today. We are taking a short trip to Juergen's parents house this weekend (about 5 hours by car). It should be a wonderful family gathering. We are celebrating Jessica's grandmothers 70Th birthday. I would be totally happy, but grandma is sick. She has brain tumors taking over her brain, and she can know longer have surgery. I don't really know how often I will be taking this trip North. The kids (our 5 kids) are too stressful for Juergen's mom. I've been really sad at the idea of not having much more time together. I don't want to be all sad at the party, so I'm trying to cry now...it's not hard, the tears are right there.
I just re read the last post I wrote about Jessica and loss. Some how the reality that this is all grass helps me. Beautiful but fading...

Crying over the loss

Last night I was waiting up late while Juergen picked our daughter Nicole up from school. Her class had gone to a theater, and she was coming home at midnight (late for our 13year old). I was watching CNN just waiting. There was a news story about Andrew Wakefield, a British Dr who made a possible connection with the MMR vaccination and Autism. There were dozens of parents with Autistic children standing in support of Doctor Wakefield and his team. They wore t-shirts that read 1 in 100, symbolising the very large number of children affected by autism in the UK. All of a sudden I began to weep. I remembered the day I signed the vaccination release form, authorizing the 5 vaccinations in one day that pushed Jessica over the edge into this dark world called autism. It kills me that she was "normal", and then she was not. It hurts so bad that her sickness may have been preventable. You could never explain the deep loss I feel. She is almost 16 years old and needs full time care. She still wears diapers, and can not cross a street alone. I'm grateful for her smile, and her laugh. I am happy she is alive, but some times the weight of the loss hits me hard. All I can do is cry. God picks me up and starts to carry me once more. It is only in light of eternity any of this makes sense. We are all grass, and the flowers of the field. We wilt very fast. Why do I hold so dearly the flowers that are wilting?

DAN DR

We took Jessica to see a DAN (Defeat Autism Now) Dr yesterday. She is the only DAN Dr in all of Germany. I've read the DAN protocol, listened to DAN conference tapes etc. but this was our first trip. The DR lives in a small town about 3 1/2 hours North West of us. That's 7 hours driving for a 2 1/2 hour visit. We were all very tired by the time we made it home. I think it was worth the time! We will have a large number of biomedical tests run. Jessica may or may not need to start a special diet. We have done the Gluten Free Casein Free diet for 5 years and the Specific Carbohydrate Diet for one year. Right now she isn't on a diet. If she doesn't have a leaky gut,or a Gluten morphine, casein morphine problem we may not need to do a special diet. If we must re do a diet, it's the SCD I prefer. She will also be detoxed for heavy metal, but only after the diet issue is settled. Jessica sees the Dr again in September. Jessica is almost 16 years old. It's not realistic to believe any medical help is going to "cure" her from Autism. Still, we believe we should treat every medical issue she has. Over all it will help her feel better and preform at a higher leval. I still pray that God will heal Jessica. If God can raise the dead, He can heal autism!

The fall into the pit

There are pot holes and there are pits. To this point I had never really fallen into a pit. I had no idea how to handle what was happening, no idea at all. When you run over a pot hole, it shakes you up a little. Some times the pot hole is so large, it can even cause some car damage. That would require a day or so in the shop. But a pit is different. You fall into a dark hole, and when you get up to inspect for damage, you often fall off the ledge even further down. If fact one of the scariest parts about falling into a pit is being in the dark, and never knowing when and if you have really hit the bottom. When Jessica was 18 months old she had 5 immunization shots in one day. I remember asking the nurse if it was a problem that Jessica was sick, and taking antibiotics for an ear infection. I should have used my best instincts and said "no" not today. But they were the medical professionals. I was just a first time mom. What could go wrong? But with in 4 days things went terribly wrong. It has be wrong for 14 years now. Jessica lost her voice. I thought we would just spend some time in the shop, get the car repaired and be back on our way. Instead of getting on the road, I have had the challenge of learning to live my life inside this hole...and I know now I may never be allowed to recover from that fall.

What was she like?

She was beautiful. I know everyone thinks that about their child, but it's true. Strangers would stop me on the street, and in the super market. Her hair was blond and her eye brows bushy and dark. Her large eyes were an intense blue. They were deep, like the Mediterranean sea. She loved to flirt with people. We would sit in restaurants and Jessica would capture the attention of everyone around us. She was charming and captivating and funny!
Jessica met or exceeded all her early baby mile stones. Her first words were spoken when she was only 6 months old. We were in Holland on a vacation with Juergens parents. Jess was hungry, and I wasn't feeding her fast enough. She shouted in a loud and demanding voice, "Mama"! It was so loud and clear, Juergen and his parents could hear her from the next room. We were all amazed to hear her speak her first words at age 6 months. None of us knew what a miracle those words were. I can count on one hand the number of times I've heard her speak my name, since she lost her voice. It's really amazing what we all take for granted. Everything in life is a gift. Every word is a gift.

Jessica's Birth

I remember the night before Jessica was born. She was two weeks over due. We had visitors from Germany. They had hoped to see our new daughter. Instead we were out playing miniature golf. I had basically given up on ever having her. Then it happened. I sat up in bed around 1 am and just like a water balloon crashing to the pavement my water broke. From that time on, it was surreal. The drive to the hospital, the heavy contractions, the breathing. She was born the following afternoon in Kaiser Hospital in San Diego. There were a parade of Doctors and nurses. Every few hours the shift would change, and I would have a new Doctor and nurse, and another dozen medical students filing past my half nude body. I guess if I wasn't in so much pain I would have been embarrassed to have so many strangers in my room. That would have required losing my focus. My total focus was on her birth. Nothing else mattered. It never occurred to me she would be born on a wave of autism. In 1991 little was known about autism. Jessica was born with 4 different heart defects. This came as a huge surprise to us. When she finally had surgery at the age of 3 1/2 months, I was certain this was the greatest trail of my life. I've learned since then that that was merely a walk in the park. How could I have imagined myself to be so strong? I think looking back at that simple time I was living in a green house. God wanted to teach me to trust him in the desert. But just as he provided strength, guidance, and provision to his people Israel in the wilderness, God has also been with us. I have been driving Jessica Taxi for 16 years, but God is in the car with me. He often takes a hold of the wheel. When I feel like I can not move even one inch further, He adds some gas to the accelerator. We have come a million miles since those early days our beautiful daughter lost her sweet voice.

Jessica in China

Here is her own self made video.

Here is an interesting story on an Autistic women.

You need to watch the CNN videos of this women.

our jessica

Cool Slideshows

you need to touch the book to change the pages

Spilled Soda

This morning I had a dream. in my dream we were in a hotel room,probably in China. We are in the process of adopting a 4 year old girl from China and hope to travel soon. Juergen had laid some important documents on the coffee table,and under the table. Unfortunately, there was also a bottle of soda on the table. Jessica poured the soda into a glass. I watched her nervously. She did this fine,but when she laid the bottle back on the table it spilled all over the important papers. Then these words came to my mind... In a normal family, if you put soda near important papers that soda will spill 60% of the time. If you put soda near important papers in our family it will spill 100% of the time!
So what could I learn from this dream?
1. We must be careful 100% of the time! We must always lock the front door so Jessica won't just walk out. We must always lock the kitchen so Jessica does not eat stuff she can not eat. We always have to hold her hand near a street. We must be diligent 100% of the time!
2. This being careful or diligent makes a person tired. We need help! We must have good teachers, and good babysitters, friends and family to help us.
3. Finally, we must learn to not kick ourselves when accidents happen (and they will). You can get angry, sad, you can beat yourself up, kick the dog, yell at your kid or your husband. I have learned to pick up a towel, and try to clean up the soda. I also learn not to put soda near important papers!

"Autism Is A World"

Her name is Sue Rubin. She has autism and until the age of 13, she was assumed to be retarded. Now 26, she is in college and lives on her own with assistance from others. "Autism Is A World" is an attempt, she says, "to bring people into my world of autism."
HERE is more information .

Bernard Rimland died

TIME Magazine

December 11, 2006
Milestones section

DIED. Bernard Rimland, 78, psychologist who pioneered modern autism research and advocacy and founded the Autism Society of America; in El Cajon, Calif. In 1958 Rimland diagnosed autism in his 2-year-old-son Mark with the help of a college textbook. The personal discovery led to a professional crusade. "This was war," he later wrote. In 1964, he published Infantile Autism, a landmark book that argued autism had biochemical roots and upended the then conventional wisdom that it was a child's response to 'refrigerator mothers" who didn't show adequate affection. An adviser to the makers of Rain Man - his son was a model for Dustin Hoffman's Oscar-winning 1988 turn as an autistic savant - Rimland also controversially claimed metals like mercury could trigger autism and vitamins could help treat it.


If it was not for Dr.Rimland, people might think Jessica was autistic because I was a bad mom! I owe him a great deal!

Best day of 2006

I have been thinking about the year 2006. It was a full year...and good year. I had many wonderful moments. I think the best day for me was spent in Thailand. It was our last day in Thailand. It was a little rainy, but warm. We still went to the swimming pool. We were the only ones there. Jessica was so "with us". She laughed with us and interacted with us fully. Her physical coordination was very good. On the way back to our hotel room it began to rain. Jessica ran laughing, giggling across the uneven pavement. I was worried she would fall, but she didn't. She was sure footed, even graceful. At dinner we walked the 5 or more blocks to our favorite restaurant. Again the sidewalks were very uneven. Jessica seemed to master the pavement. It was no problem at all. And days before she would need to be dragged to the restaurant scratching and wining. On this night she walked willingly. Once there she sat contently for an hour...no DVD player! As she returned to the room, over the uneven pavement, I felt like I could cry for joy. I have not seen her so well, so healthy, so all together happy! We are probably traveling soon to China. We are adopting a 4 year old girl. I am sure the airplane ride and first few days in China will be awful! But perhaps we may also see our healthy happy coordinated Jessica too.. Maybe the daily sight seeing,and swimming at the pool brings out the best of Jessica. I can only hope this is true. Getting her to that place of health seems like such allot of work, but once there...it is really something special. I never see her like that at home. At home she is lost. For a brief moment...she was found. She is so amazing when she is found!

strange morning

It has been a strange morning. I got up to read that Saddam Hussein was hanged. I don't know where you stand on this capital punishment issue, but the whole thing seemed kind of rushed to me. I guess holding trails on other cases that would also condemn the man would take time and money...and you can kill a man only once, but it still seems the other accusers should have also had a chance to publicly condemn him! Anyway, I walked to the breakfast table with these heavy thoughts. Jessica just wanted to go for a ride in the car. She brought me her elephant slippers. I should have taken her picture. Juergen said he would not drive her anywhere unless she wrote where she wanted to go. He got her keyboard. She pushed it away. I asked her to write for me. We sat down on the stairs, and she typed out IKEA. She wanted an new IKEA catalog to tear. She is home on Christmas vacation, and so board. She only wants to sit in her bedroom and tear paper. The IKEA catalog makes fine tearing! So Juergen put a coat on our funny looking elephant footed Jessica, and drove to IKEA for more tearing material. I was left to clean up the breakfast table, and think about the serious world affairs. What an odd day!

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD)

It is very dark here in Germany. Jessica is getting more and more aggressive at school! She isn't sleeping well. She has really bad skin. I believe all of this is due to a lack of sunshine. I pulled the full spectrum lamp out of storage. I am going to begin some light therapy. I will let you know if it helps. It was striking how well Jessica looked,felt, and acted in Thailand. I really do wish we lived someplace that was warm all year around,and that had a swimming pool.

The Little Girl Who Dared To Wish

As Amy Hagadorn rounded the corner across the hall from her classroom, she collided with a tall boy from the fifth grade running in the opposite direction.

"Watch it , squirt." The boy yelled as he dodged around the little third-grader. Then, with a smirk on his face, the boy took hold of his right leg and mimicked the way Amy limped when she walked.

Amy closed her eyes. Ignore him, she told herself as she headed for her classroom.

But at the end of the day, Amy was still thinking about the tall boy's mean teasing. It wasn't as if her were the only one. It seemed that ever since Amy started the third grade, someone teased her every single day. Kids teased her about her speech or her limping. Amy was tired of it. Sometimes, even in a classroom full of other students, the teasing made her feel all alone.

Back home at the dinner table that evening, Amy was quiet. Her mother knew that things were not going well at school. That's why Patti Hagadorn was happy to have some exciting news to share with her daughter.

"There's a Christmas wish contest on the radio station," Amy's mom announced. "Write a letter to Santa, and you might win a prize. I think someone at this table with blonde curly hair should enter."

Amy giggled. The contest sounded like fun. She started thinking about what she wanted most for Christmas.

A smile took hold of Amy when the idea first came to her. Out came pencil and paper, and Amy went to work on her letter. "Dear Santa Claus," she began.

While Amy worked away at her best printing, the rest of the family tried to guess what she might ask from Santa. Amy's sister, Jamie, and Amy's mom both thought a three-foot Barbie doll would top Amy's wish list. Amy's dad guessed a picture book. But Amy wasn't ready to reveal her secret Christmas wish just then. Here is Amy's letter to Santa, just as she wrote it that night:

Dear Santa Claus,

My name is Amy. I am nine years old. I have a problem at school. Can you help me Santa? Kids laugh at me because of the way I walk and run and talk. I have cerebral palsy. I just want one day where no one laughs at me or makes fun of me.

Love, Amy

At radio station WJLT in Fort Wayne, Indiana, letter poured in for the Christmas wish contest. The workers had fun reading about all the different presents that boys and girls from across the city wanted for Christmas.

When Amy's letter arrived at the radio station, manager Lee Tobin read it carefully. He knew cerebral palsy was a muscle disorder that might confuse the schoolmates of Amy's who didn't understand her disability. He thought it would be good for the people in Fort Wayne to hear about this special third-grader and her unusual wish. Mr. Tobin called up the local newspaper.

The next day, a picture of Amy and her letter to Santa made the front page of the News Sentinel. The story spread quickly. All across the country, newspapers and radio and television stations reported the story of the little girl in Fort Wayne, Indiana, who asked for such a simple yet remarkable Christmas gift -- just one day without teasing.

Suddenly the postman was a regular at the Hagadorn house. Envelopes of all sizes addressed to Amy arrived daily from children and adults all across the nation. They came filled with holiday greetings and words of encouragement.

During that unforgettable Christmas season, over two thousand people from all over the world sent Amy letters of friendship and support. Amy and her family read every single one. Some of the writers had disabilities; some had been teased as children. Each writer had a special message for Amy. Through the cards and letters from strangers, Amy glimpsed a world full of people who truly cared about each other. She realized that no amount or form of teasing could ever make her feel lonely again.

Many people thanked Amy for being brave enough to speak up. Others encouraged her to ignore teasing and to carry her head high. Lynn, a sixth-grader from Texas, sent this message:

"I would like to be your friend," she wrote, "and if you want to visit me, we could have fun. No one would make fun of us, 'cause if they do, we will not even hear them."

Amy did get her wish of a special day without teasing at South Wayne Elementary School. Additionally, everyone at school got another bonus. Teachers and students talked together about how bad teasing can make others feel.

That year the Fort Wayne mayor officially proclaimed December 21 as Amy Jo Hagadorn Day throughout the city. The mayor explained that by daring to make such a simple wish, Amy taught a universal lesson.

"Everyone," said the mayor, "wants and deserves to be treated with respect, dignity and warmth."

By Alan D. Shultz,
from Chicken Soup for the Kid's Soul

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time
you've made me smile, the entire evening sky
would be in the palm of my hand.
Author Unknown

Can World's Strongest Dad

A good friend of mine sent me this story and video link. It isn't about autism, but about the love and special relationship between a father and his disabled son! Both father and son are inspiring. It had me crying! And the video is below....

From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay For their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots.

But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck.

Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in Marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a Wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and Pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day.

Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his back Mountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. On a bike. Makes Taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?

And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.
This love story began in Winchester , Mass. , 43 years ago, when Rick Was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him Brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.

"He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him And his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an Institution.''

But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes Followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the Engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was Anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told. ``There's nothing going on in his brain.''

"Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a Lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed Him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his Head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the School organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want To do that.''

Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ran More than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he Tried. ``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore For two weeks.''

That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, It felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''

And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. He got into such hard-belly Shape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.

``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a Single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few Years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then They found a way to get into the race Officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the Qualifying time for Boston the following year.

Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''

How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he Was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick Tried.

Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii . It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud Getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you Think?

Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with A cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.

This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best Time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world Record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to Be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the Time.

``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.''

And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a Mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries Was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' One doctor told him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.

Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass. , always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day.

That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.

``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

A gift of love!

Jessica, made this cute bear in school. She wrote that she wants to give it to her new little sister Sarah (we are adopting a 3 year old girl from china). She is hoping that Sarah can come soon, and that the gift will help Sarah like her.She wants Sarah to like her. She also wrote that she hopes that Sarah feels good in her new family!

A Poem from Jessica for Mother's Day 2005

All that I like about you: comfort giver, patience, joy-maker, good words, understanding,
contentment with self and us, gifted for friend-love, crazy about flowers, garden fanatic,
colorfull women's meetings, sleeping too long, understanding of sad hearts, deep friendship
for special people, too good for thankless brothers, valueable knowledge of autism, faith in God
and thoughts of peace.

Invitation to the Play "The Very Strong Willibald"

May 2001

Dear perents,

today the class 3K is performing the unnerving good play "The very strong Willibald". Briskly the students diligently practiced the play. Tragic play digs up calamitous thoughts. First the garden door opens. Lillimaus is brutally accused by the terrible Josef. Resistent against troubles she finds useful friends. She then is banished into the library. Stupid chief is agitating everyone. All follow him except Georg and Frederike. Based on the Third Reich patterns follows propaganda. Lillimaus saves the pack while Willibald traumatically loses his tail. Questionable is (thank God) the value of useful respect by a descructive society.






Einladung zur Vorführung von "Der überaus starke Willibald"

May 2001

Liebe perents,

heute führt die Klasse 3k das nervige gute Stück vor: Der überaus starke Willibald.

Hurtig gaben sich die Schüler Mühe braf zu üben. Tragisches Stück gräbt unheilvolles Gedankengut aus. Zuerst geht die Gartentür auf. Brutal wird Lillimaus beschuldigt von graesslichem Josef. Resistent gegen Anfechtungen findet sie brauchbare Freunde. Sie wird in die Bücherei verbannt. Daemlicher Anführer hetzt alle auf. Alle folgen ihm ausser Georg und Frederike. Basierend zum Dritten Reich erfolgt Propaganda. Lillimaus rettet das Rudel während Willibald traumatisch seinen Schwanz verliert. Fragwürdig ist Gott sei Dank der Zustand der brauchbaren Achtungserweisung einer destruktiven Gesellschaft.

The Poor King

An invented fairy tale: The Poor King
By Jessica Heymann

Jan 2002

In a far away empire there was once a reputable king. Telling stories was his passion. He also felt joy when he had women with beards around him. But he was full of hate towards the rich weavers. They were stealing the kings garments out of the king's storage. This was hard for the king to bear. He called all his subjects to come before him and started to speak. The people were truly afraid. He waited if the thieves would come forward but nothing happened. Then a magic hand suddendly appeared on the bridge. All were watching the display with awe and waited what would happen. Suddendly the hand disappeared again again and all the weavers stood there— surprised and without clothes. This was the absolute pick-pocket proof. Quickly the king's guards arrested the thieves and the king was again warm-hearted towards his subjects. Tenderly he thought again about his bearded women and faithful subjects.





Ein ausgedachtes Märchen: Der arme König

Jan 2002
Es lebte einmal in einem fernen Reich ein achtbarer König. Fabulieren war seine Leidenschaft. Freude empfand er auch, wenn er bärtige Frauen um sich hatte. Hasserfüllt aber war er zu den reichen Webern. Diese stahlen aus den Königswarenlagern viele Gewänder. Das ertrug der König schwer. Er rief alle Untertanen zu sich und erhob seine Stimme. Das Volk erschrak wahrhaftig. Er wartete als ob sich die Diebe stellen würden. Aber es geschah nichts. Eine Zauberhand erschien plötzlich auf der tragenden Brücke. Alle bestaunten die Erscheinung und warteten was passieren würde. Plötzlich verschwand die Hand und alle Weber stand erschrocken entblösst in Schande. Das war der absolute Taschendiebbeweis. Schnell fassten die Bewacher das Diebesgesindel und der König war wieder warmherzig zu seinen Untertanen. Zärtlich dachte er an seine bärtigen Frauen und das treue Volk.

A Scary Story

Gruselgeschichte(first in German-then in English)



Als die Welt noch berühmt war für fantastische Begebenheiten trug sich diese Geschichte zu. Eines Tages gingen zwei Brüder frisch und fröhlich durch den bunten Forst. Eine kühle Brise streifte ihre Gesichter. Erstaunt blickten sie um sich. Lautlos zog ein schwarter Nebel vorbei. Dunkle Gestalten lösten sich zaubervoll heraus. Die beiden zitterten wie Espenlaub und fragten die Gestalten was werden soll. "Heute ist Frauenmülltag – alle bösen Frauen treffen sich und werden lebendig für eine Nacht." Leise flüsterten die Brüder und wollten fliehen. Eine unerklärbare Kraft hielt sie fest. Ahnungsvoll erkannten sie dass Särge im Wald lagen. Nun erkannten sie dass es Spukgestalten sind. Der einzige Ausweg bestand darin unbeweglich stehen zu bleiben bis die berüchtigte Feier zu Ende ging. Grossartiger Tanz begann. Laternenschein begleitete das Debakel. Ängstlich wollten die Brüder mittanzen aber sie waren zu müde. Blass stiegen sie in einen Sarg und schliefen ein. Als es dem Ende zuging legten sich die Frauen nieder. Zwei fanden ihren Sarg besetzt und ergriffen die Flucht. Seitdem irren sie durch die Welt und zaubern faulen brachliegenden Menschen Ideen in die Köpfe.


A Scary Story



When the world was still know for amazing events this story took place. One day two brothers went through the colorfull forest fresh and cheerfully. A cool breeze touched their faces. Surprised they looked around. Silently a black fog moved by them. Dark shapes magically appeared out of the fog. The two brothers were shaking aspen leaves und asked the figures what this would mean. "Today is women's garbage day. All evil women meet here and become alive for one night." Quietly the brothers whispered and wanted to flee. But an invisible power held them back. Forebodingly they realized that there were coffins laying in the forest. Now they realized that these were ghosts. The only solution was to stand still and wait until this dreaded party came to an end. A great dance began. Shining lanterns accompanied the debacle. Full of fear the brothers wanted to dance too but they were too tired. Pale they stepped into a coffin and fell asleep. When it all was over the women layed down again. Two found their coffins occupied and fled. Since then they wander aimlessly through the world and put strange ideas into lazy and idle minds.

Winter Poem

Wintergedicht(first in German then in English)

Nov 2001



Winterfreude erwacht

Schneeberge verdecken Wald und Flur

Lachende Kinder toben auf dem zugefrorenen See

Schlittenfahrt baut Zukunftsfreude auf.

Gottes Hand schützt weisses Land.

Verloren ist was ruhig treibt

Frau Grimm erscheint im Winterkleid.



Die Kinder holen Mützen raus – Frau Holle schüttelt Betten aus.

Der verbrauchte Hustensaft wird neu gekauft – und Ärzte haben grossen Zulauf.

Der Wintergarten leuchtet hell und alle Herzen schlagen freudig schnell.



Winter Poem

Nov 2001



The joy of Winter awakens

mountains of snow blanket forest and fields

laughing children play on the frozen lake



Riding a sleigh builds joy about the future

Gods hand protects the white land

Lost is what is quietly floating

Frau Grimm(*) comes in winter clothing.



Children take out their hats — Frau Holle is shaking the beds

Used up cough syrip is bought anew — doctors have a lot of patients

The winter garden is shining bright and all hearts are beating happy and fast.



(*) "Frau Grimm" is Jessica's personal teacher that also helps her to write.

Spring Awakening

Frühlingserwachen(first in German then in English)



Frühling rüstet sich zur Wiedergeburt

findet seine Gefährten

Himmel lacht vor Wonne

Weinen ist genommen.

Grüne Wiesen, Bäche fliessen

reichlich Leben füllt die Luft.

Mag am Tag Musik erklingen

und die Nacht die Ruhe bringen.

Grüne Wiesen, Triebe spriessen,

laues Lüftchen weht

Winterzeit vergeht.

Herzen freuen sich zu leben

gutes kann jeder geben.


Spring Awakening



Spring prepares for resurrection

finds it's companions

Heavens laugh with delight

Crying has been removed.

Meadows are green, brooksare flowing,

life aplenty fills the air.

May music be heard at day

and let the night bring calm.

Meadows are green, sprouts come out

a gentle breeze

makes Winter time wear away.

Hearts are happy to be alive

and good things everyone can give.

some of Jessicas writing

Hi, we are getting rid of our old family homepage.I'm posting some of Jessica's writing here. Juergen (Jessica's dad) promises to start translating more soon (Jessica writes in German). Anyway, here is some of her stuff...

Some of Jessica's writings in the 'original German':


Herbstgedicht(first in German then in English)



Der Herbst gräbt Sommerzeit ab

die Blätter werden matt.

Viele Drachen steigen aufr>
Kinder ärgern sich über Regenlauf.
>
Riesiger gefährlicher Geisterspuk an Halloween

schreckt die Kinder ohnehin.

Verzagt erfasst der Sturm das Haus

keiner will nun mehr hinaus.

Verwegen trotzt der Wald dem Wind

Frau Holle macht das Bett geschwind.



A Fall Poem



The Fall is eating away at Summer time

Leaves' colors are fading

Kites are rising all around

Children resent the rain

Great scary ghostly spook at Halloween

frightens children anyway

Halfhearted a storm is touching the house

no one wants to go outside

boldly the forest resists the wind

Frau Holle makes the bed(*) in a hurry



(*) Grim fairy tale where 'Frau Holle' making the bed causes snow on the earth.

compelling evidence that people with autism have dysfunctional mirror neuron systems.

Scientific America has an interesting Theory about at least some of the causes of Autism. They say people with autism have a dysfunctional mirror neuron system.The article is 6 pages long, but interesting reading. There are some really great brain scientist doing good research on autism. I hope they will begin to make some very good progress, for Jessica's sake, and for all the others who need help!

Grandpa's drawing of Jessica!

Hi, my dad drew this picture of Jessica riding on a TukTuk taxi in Thailand. I think He did a great job!

JMAC story

Nobel Prize

STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) -- American Roger D. Kornberg, whose father won a Nobel Prize a half-century ago, was awarded the prize in chemistry Wednesday for his studies of how cells take information from genes to produce proteins.

Disturbances in that process, known as transcription, are involved in many human illnesses, including cancer, heart disease and various kinds of inflammation. Understanding transcription also is vital to the development of treatments using stem cells. The whole story is Here


I've been learning that people with autism also have this issue of inflammation. Perhaps this research will have an impact on autism, and its treatment? I'll be looking into this...

Video on the face of autism

Is the bucket half empty or half full?

Tonight around 11pm we hear a crash of water coming from Jessica’s bedroom. I'm downstairs getting Jessica her Melatonin, and Juergen is upstairs in our bedroom. We both rush to see what happen. Jessica has fled the scene of the crime. She is in her sister’s room hiding under the covers. In her bedroom we find a bucket of soapy water I had left in the bathroom. It was spilled all over the floor. Thank God it missed the computer power cord. There was also a big jar of olive oil cream spilled on the floor and the couch. We think Jessica tried to put cream on herself. She spilled the cream, and then had the idea to clean up her mess! She left a bigger mess...but the fact she actually tried to clean up really makes us happy! She is slowly getting better.

Jessica is feeling better

Jessica was very sick all last week with the flu. She gave me a mountain of laundry (from throwing up all over the house), and of course the flu! She is feeling very chipper, and I'm feeling just awful. But moms don't get the privilege of just sleeping! I hope all my kids feel well enough to go to school tomorrow, and then maybe I can recover.

I ran out of gas today

I ran out of gas today. I was alone with my autistic daughter Jessica. She likes to shop at Wal-Mart, so about once a week I drive to Wal-Mart (about 20miles from my house). About half way there I realized the car was on empty. I was driving my husband’s company car. I thought, "There is a gas station next to Wal-Mart, I'll get gas there". Well, the tank was emptier then I thought. We stopped at a busy light only 500 yards away from Wal-Mart, but the car would not start. I had to put my emergency lights on. I felt like kicking myself! I'm driving a company car, I get free gas, but I'm out of gas! There has to be a spiritual lesson there for someone! Anyway, God provided me with an angle. A man named George and his wife (I didn't get her name) pull up next to me and ask to help. He helped me push the car to the side of the road, and even went to get me my gas while I waited with Jessica in the car. A good on line friend of mine has had trouble being hurt by someone she thought was her friend. She wrote me saying "can you trust anyone anymore"? It seems descent people are getting fewer and far between. I am so grateful God provided me with the help Jessica and I needed today. They went out of their way to help me (an unorganized stranger who made the mistake of not looking at her gas light). With their help I was back on the road...some times a little help is all some of us need

AUTISM-A TYPE OF LYME DISEASE

Hi, I posted on a yahoo web site that you could watch the Dan Conferences on web cast for free. I got an interesting and unexpected reply from a mom who is treating her daughters Lyme disease. She says there is research (out of Germany of all places) linking the bacteria of Lyme disease with autism. Treat the Lyme disease and you treat the autism! Anyway, it's worth looking into. It would not be hard to get Jessica tested for Lyme disease...at least I think it would not be hard. Here is a link to just one article on the subject.

DAN web conference

Subscribers may access the videos at any time. The 20+ hours of videos can be viewed in your own home, at your own convenience, and at your own pace.

You may subscribe to the web conference
at not cost.
HERE is that link.

I found the talk on low dose nalterexone very interesting. I live in Germany, so I'm a little behind. You may already use LDN on your autistic child? I'm going to try to get my doctor to try Jessica on this mediation to help her immune system. Here is an article on this subject.

Your Child Has Autism……What Next?

Here is a good resource or list of resources’ that might help.

Billionaire spends millions mapping mouse brains

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- So you're a billionaire and you've bought a couple of sports teams, launched an amateur space project and spent $800 million on good causes -- what do you do with the change?

Microsoft Corp. co-founder Paul Allen decided to make a genetic atlas of the mouse brain.

The atlas, begun in 2002 with $100 million from Allen's fortune, was declared finished on Tuesday, with fine-tuned information on 3,000 active genes -- although scientists have been using it regularly for more than a year.

Allen said working with computers all his life made him appreciate the complexities of the brain. "You realize that computers take a very simplistic approach to computing things," Allen told Reuters in an interview.

"Ever since I grew up in Seattle as a kid, I was fascinated by science," he added. So he found a group of scientists and asked them what he should do with some of his money.

The result -- the first project of the Allen Institute for Brain Science -- a 3-D reference atlas of the genes that are active in the mouse brain.

Allen, who left Microsoft in 1983 and has an estimated fortune of $16 billion, makes the map freely available online at http://www.alleninstitute.org.

"Since mice and humans share more than 90 percent of genes, the Allen Brain Atlas has enormous potential for understanding human neurological diseases and disorders affecting more than 50 million Americans each year," the institute said in a statement.

These include Alzheimer's disease, which affects 4.5 million Americans, autism, which may occur in one in every 175 births, epilepsy, which affects 2.7 million Americans, schizophrenia and Parkinson's disease.

In four years, scientists working for the Atlas project have mapped more than 21,000 genes. They then checked each gene to see which ones are turned on -- expressed -- in brain tissue.

Each cell in an organism's body carries all the genes, but not all of them are expressed, or active. Gene expression is what determines each cell's type and function.

To their surprise, Allen's team found that more than 80 percent of the genes in the brain are active. They had believed that perhaps 60 or 70 percent were expressed.

The atlas was produced using in situ hybridization, a technique that uses a chemical marker such as a jellyfish fluorescence gene to show whether a gene is active.

Tissue containing cells expressing each active gene was stained, photographed and the pictures uploaded to the Web site.

That makes it easy to browse.

"It's a bit like peeling the onion," said Allan Jones, the institute's chief scientific officer.

The institute said an average of 250 scientists looked at the site a day, with more than 4 million hits monthly.

While examining the mouse brain is critical for basic scientific research, Allen also wants to look at the unique parts of the human brain.

"The next set of research we are going to do is focus on the neocortex -- the area where most higher function occurs," Allen said.

Allen, who owns the Seattle Seahawks football team and the Portland Trail Blazers basketball team and funds a charitable foundation and the SpaceShipOne space project, is asking for other foundations and the U.S. government to help support the institute project.

Jessica is sick today

Poor Jessica hasn't been able to keep any food down all day. Her sister, Nicole is also sick. It seems Nicole never gets as sick as Jess does. I remember when they both got the chicken pox’s. Nicole felt ill for a half a day. She got maybe two pox’s. Jess was sick for weeks, and was covered from head to toe with pox’s. The worst part was that she had many pox’s in her diaper area. Every time she would pee her diaper it would sting! She would fall asleep, and then wake up screaming because her poor bottom hurt so badly! Finally we had to take her to the hospital emergency room. On the way to the hospital I remember Juergen and I's conversation. We were basically mad at God. Why did Jessica, who already got everything else badly, also have to get this normal childhood disease badly? Why couldn't Nicole get the chickenpox’s badly, and let poor Jessica alone for once? We just didn't didn't understand why one child could be so blessed and her sister seem so cursed. Not that we wish curses on Nicole...but you know what I mean? Anyway, after Jessica recovered from chicken poxs we saw a pretty good developmental surge in her. I read later that sometimes a strong case of chicken pox’s can cause an increase in brain development. So I am trying to believe that maybe I just don't know everything! I realized that God does things much better then I would!

My beautiful daughter!

Jessica just turned 15 years old. We were in Thailand on her birthday. She played on my computer, we went swimming (maybe 4 times), went shopping, and went out to dinner at the Sizzler. It was a full and good day! I took some great pictures of her on that day. She has the most amazing eyes. If the eyes are the window to the soul, then this soul is deep! I love my Jessica! She is a sweet and funny person. I'm grateful for all that I know of her, but autism has hidden most of what is there.

I have another blog I have been spending most of my time writing. I thought I should start posting on this blog. We just took a family vacation in Thailand. Jessica loved it. I'll write about that tomorrow. For now, here are some photos of Jessica in Thailand. She turned 15 years old there!

Here is a good overview on Autism.

The article also mentions a video called Autism Speaks. That link is here!
Autism Speaks will show you what it is really like to have a child with Autism. I saw myself in this video. Somehow God has given my hope and peace. I don't feel so overwhelmed anymore. Believe me, I did feel like the Moms in the video.