Driving Jessica's Taxi: February 2006

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Spring vacation

I use to dread vacations. The kids ( I only had two at the time) would be home, I would be overwhelmed. I felt trapped. I also felt jealous. It seemed all my friends would be gone on wonderful family vacations with their husbands and normal healthy children. I found it hard to go anywhere with Jessica and her sister Nicole. I hated vacations. Now I realize vacations have their advantages.. Even if we aren't going anywhere (we often go great places) I can at least sleep in. Today it was snowing. The kids played hide and seek all day. I watched Pride and Prejudice on DVD. Juergen brought home pizza for dinner. A vacation is really what I make of it. It isn't always exciting, but it is also not overwhelming. I guess I've learned to manage my life. Its hard to believe I was ever so helpless.

Monday, February 27, 2006

One step closer to my book, or not?

Hi, Today I've decided to start a blog! What i really want is to write a book about what I've learned spiritually from parenting Jessica, my now 14 year old autistic daughter. The book seems like such a big step. Something I'm sure I will never be able to really finish. A blog just seems less intimidating. A blog is after all just my ideas put " out there on the web" for you to read or not read. A book needs to be payed for. When I buy a book ( and I buy many books) I expect my moneys worth. A blog is free. It only cost you the time it takes you to read it. It's a pretty low risk kind of thing. I'm not sure I will really be able to do this... but I'm going to give it a try!

pot holes and pits

There are pot holes and there are pits. To this point I had never really fallen into a pit. I had no idea how to handle what was happening, no idea at all. When you run over a pot hole, it shakes you up a little. Some times the pot hole is so large, it can even cause some car damage. That would require a day or so in the shop. But a pit is different. You fall into a dark hole, and when you get up to inspect for damage, you often fall off the ledge even further down. If fact one of the scariest parts about falling into a pit is being in the dark, and never knowing when and if you have really hit the bottom. When Jessica was 18 months old she had 5 immunization shots in one day. I remember asking the nurse if it was a problem that Jessica was sick, and taking antibiotics for an ear infection. I should have used my best instincts and said "no" not today. But they were the medical professionals. I was just a first time mom. What could go wrong? But with in 4 days things went terribly wrong. It has be wrong for 19 years now. Jessica lost her voice. I thought we would just spend some time in the shop, get the car repaired and be back on our way. Instead of getting on the road, I have had the challenge of learning to live my life inside this hole...and I know now I may never be allowed to recover from that fall.