Sunday, November 30, 2008


This is a form of biofeedback that increases the blood flow to the brain. You can read some research on research done on 20 autistic kids. HERE
We will be seeing an audiologist on Dec. 4Th that does this treatment. She will be seeing Philip and Jessica.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Sunday, October 19, 2008

flu shots

no way would I get flu shots for my kids!!!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

China with stem cells

Mark came to China in June 2007, at six years old. His family hoped the treatments being tested would give him some relief from his autism. For more information go to

Has anyone ever tried stem cell treatment?

I'm looking for information about cord blood or adult stem cell treatment for Autism. Does anyone know anything about this? I think it can be done in Germany? I want to consider it for Jessica. It may not cure her (she is 17) but maybe it could help?

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Monday, September 08, 2008

17 things about Jessica

1. Her favorite movie is Aladdin. She watched it tonight and you could hear her scream with laughter. She also loves to watch Toy Story 2 in French. I think she loves to hear the name "Woody" with a French accent.
2. Her favorite food would be Chicken McNuggets with out any sauce.
3. She has been to 13 Countries, some of them many times.
4. She has been to Disneyland an absence number of times. Her favorite ride is it’s a Small World, although she also loved Splash Mountain when I took her to Disneyland at the end of July.
5. She loves to take drives in the car, especially at Christmas time.
6. She was baptized in the Jordon River in Israel. This was one of the best days of my life. Nicole was also baptized. The peace of God was all over her.
7. She reads people very well. She can not talk but she can write very colorful discretions of people.
8. She understands at least English and German. Every time she can, she listens to French, and Korean. For some reason, she just loves Korean?

9. I give Jessica the credit for many things, including my heart of compassion.
10. She is not very neat. She prefers her chaos.
11. She can walk a long way. It is hard to get her started, but she can walk for hours.
12. She never had sugar until she was a year old. She does not really like sugar now, but loves fresh fruit and salad. She is actually pretty healthy.
13. She can say fish, kitty, and sheep, and horse. She has never said Papa or Daddy. She has said Mama about 6 times in her life. Mostly she is non verbal.
14. She loves to look at fashion magazines. She also loves to wear new cloths, and feel pretty. She is much more of a girly girl then Nicole or Sarah.
15 She will sometimes give sad people a hug. She will grab the hands of strangers and say, “Oh”. I’ve seen her bring people to tears with her simple heart of love.
16. She loves God. She loves to discuss Theology with her teachers...she writes on the computer.
17. When I say "give me a kiss" she lights up and gives me a big loving smack!

Happy 17Th birthday my beautiful girl!!!

Jessica turns 17

Yesterday morning we were sitting around the breakfast table. Thomas said something, I don't even recall what. I said, "sometimes we just need to understand that our time is not always God's time", "we need to trust God with what we want". As I said these words I began to cry. Thomas was confused. Why was I crying. Nicole and Juergen both understood. It was the final day of Jessica's 16Th year. I had a dream years ago that Jess would be healthy and normal when she was 16. I never knew if I could trust this dream as something from God, or just a mothers "wishful thinking". Well, she turned 17 years old today. She is still autistic. So how do I feel? Sort of disappointed. But I still love God, and I still love Jessica. I guess there are some questions that will remain unanswered until it is God's time. I still pray for that healing to come. I am very grateful today for this beautiful, funny, smart 17 year old that has always been a gift to us. I hope that some day I will see her healed but I love her deeply. She is a treasure partly hidden. I could be really sad about what I don't have or I can be glad about what I do have. What I do have is a sweet and loyal friend. Happy Birthday to my wonderful Jessica!!! I love you more then I could ever express. You are my compassionate teacher. I guard you but you lead me.

This is Jessica from birth until age 14

Sunday, September 07, 2008

Report: Fever Improves Autism Symptoms

When Jessica had a very bad case of the chicken pox’s she did show an improvement in her over all ability. Now they say that there is a connection between fever and brain function.

Symptoms of autism 'can be reversed'

Here is some real hope!!!

John McCain on Autism

John McCain is very concerned about the rising incidence of autism among America's children and has continually supported research into its causes and treatment. He has heard countless stories about families' hardships obtaining a diagnosis for their children's autism and accessing quality medical treatment. He believes that federal research efforts should support broad approaches to understanding the factors that may play a role in the incidence of autism, including factors in our environment, for both prevention and treatment purposes.

John McCain was proud to lend his support to the Combating Autism Act of 2006, which he cosponsored, and worked to ensure its enactment. This law is helping to increase public awareness and screening of autism spectrum disorder, promote the use of evidence-based interventions, and create autism Centers of Excellence for Autism Spectrum Disorder Research and Epidemiology. John McCain understands that despite the federal and scientific research efforts to date, the exact causes of autism are not yet known and greater research is needed to understand this disorder. That is why in November 2007, he joined with Senator Lieberman in requesting the leadership of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, which has jurisdiction over federal research into autism, to hold a hearing on federal research efforts regarding factors affecting incidence and treatment in order to help determine where research efforts can best be directed. As President, John McCain will work to advance federal research into autism, promote early screening, and identify better treatment options, while providing support for children with autism so that they may reach their full potential.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

He has heard my cry

I gave Jessica a shower this morning. This afternoon her hair was all shiny and curly. Where did she get all these curls? Her hair was so straight when she was a child?
What can I say about Jessica now that she is home from America? She is sweet, happy but still autistic. Have I given up hope of her being healed? No, I still have hope. Did I ever write about the time Sarah was begging Juergen to go swimming? Sarah is my 5 year old adopted daughter from China. She really wanted to go swimming. She was a little tired. She needed a nap. So she keeps begging Juergen to take her swimming. He says "maybe later" (he is hoping she will take a nap first). She gets in this broken record mode, she can not stop asking. She is crying, "Please Papa"!!! Crying and begging. Finally Juergen says "OK". But she is stuck, and can not stop begging. I go to her and say "Sarah Papa said yes". "Sarah, go get your suit because he said yes". Even as I say these words I hear the Holy Spirit speak to me. I hear the words, "Amy, I said yes"! I feel like I prayed, I begged. God said yes and I need to figure out how I can "go get my suit", or wait to receive Jessica’s healing. Any way, I feel like I am not supposed to keep begging...he has heard my cry!

Monday, August 25, 2008

early brain over growth

Jessica's brain grew too fast. We did not know she was autistic until she was 8 but we knew something went wrong when she was 2.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

In San Diego

Jess is basically her normal self. She does not want to go anywhere. She wants to sit on the sofa and play with here DVD player. She did sleep well last night. She slept until 5:30 am. That's pretty good! She does want to tear paper, but so far she has only torn up one magazine I gave her (not Cindy"s books). If fact she is being a very good girl. She is not digging into stuff. She is also very sweet and happy. We shopped for Nicole's stuff yesterday. Then we gave Jess down time. She is also getting down time today. Tomorrow we are going to Sea World. Hopefully Jess will be ready to get out of the house. Tonight I am taking her to the healing room for prayer. I am believing God for a progressive work. I feel God has done a good thing in Jess as a result of the prayers of our Elders. She is super calm & full of joy. She handled the trip very well so far. When I think about it, I have never seen her so good. Yes, I think God has begun a work in her!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The real Disney story

Jess was a mess. She had jet lag so bad & only wanted to stay in our room. My arms are covered with bruises from trying to drag her out of her hole! We went to Disneyland at around noon. The first thing we did is have lunch. The lunch was very nice. After lunch Jess was falling apart so I brought her back to the hotel for a few hours. She did not sleep, but rested. then I dragged her back to Disneyland. I made her ride a ride. She liked it, so we did a few more rides. I even took her on splash Mountain. She actually liked it. At around 6 pm she started to really fall asleep. We slowly made our way to the car. Donna, Cindy, and Nicole stayed an extra hour and Jess slept in the car. I had a good time praying. we drove back to the hotel, and went to bed by 10pm. Jess slept half the night. She got up and wanted to play on her DVD player. I said no. She slept sitting in her chair until 7am.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

so ready

Jessica has had a shower and she is already in bed. It's not even 11pm. We leave in the morning at 7am. She is so ready to go. I praise God she is so happy. I hope she has a good flight. Normally she is very afraid on a flight. We have prayed and prayed. I just talked to my parents. They still don't know Jess is coming. I can not wait to see them in a week. How wonderful!!! I've been a mess thinking about the trip. I want so much to see Jess healed. God knows all I can do is come. I can not do much more. I go with so much hope and love in my heart. I'm sure our trip will be wonderful. I don't have any idea what will happen, but I'm sure we will be blessed.

Do you need to be young to have faith?

I listened to an African pastor speak today. He told the story of a young man who heard God call him to go to Bible school in America. He did not know where the school was,he just knew to go. He got a ticket and boarded an airplane. He had no money and no visa. When he arrived in the USA they asked him where he was going and if he had a visa. All he could say was that God told him to come. They put him in jail. When he was in jail he prayed a very passionate prayer. This prayer was heard by a guard who was a Christian. The guard called his pastor. He said pastor, if you can find a place for this man in a Bible school (and pay for the school) I can get him a visa. So the pastor found a school and the guard found a visa, and the young man stepped into his destiny. How did it happen? He followed the voice of God and he did not ask how. The only direction he needed was go. He heard go, and he totally trusted God to meet the need. I use to have faith like this when I was young. Tomorrow I go with Jessica and Nicole to America. I am seeking healing for Jessica. I want to know how...God wants me to just trust him. He tells me to just go. God give me the faith to just go.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

What I hear...

I've spent many hours praying for Jessica's healing. I'm very desperate. I don't want autism anymore. I'm so sad I have to pack diapers. I'm sad I have to think about the flight, and the fear Jessica has. It is not what I want. I saw a faithful women who married a man she intended to marry for life. Then he left her for another women. It's Christmas. The women has to drop the kids off at daddy's house. She will be alone. She did nothing wrong. It is not what she planned or hopped for. She was robbed. But it is out of her hands. She must spend Christmas without her family. That is how autism makes me feel. I am robbed! I have to pack diapers for my 16 year old. I have to hold her hand and try to calm her down for the long flight. I hate autism!!! But then I recall how I met Juergen. I did not make that relationship happen. I was set up. God set me up. Some of the very best things that ever happened in my life where arranged by God. When God arranges something, he does it perfectly. So God gives me the feeling he is about to set me up. He is arranging my way. I have to give him my sadness and fear. He will turn it all around. He will wipe away my tears. He will bring beauty for ashes. I feel so sure I am being set up!

Monday, July 14, 2008

i pod

I bought Jessica an i pod with 167GB of storage and a video screen. Juergen is busy loading all her movies. It has a 12 hour battery. She should be able to watch all her movies during the long flight. What an amazing little computer. It has more memory then my laptop. So cool!!!!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The end my fast

I broke my 10 day fast today. First I went to church and prayed with Christian who is an elder in the church. I wanted all the elders to pray for Jessica, but they want to schedule an extended time to do that. I'm not sure Jess will really allow anyone to pray for her for any extended time. I'm not sure it's necessary for a prayer to be long in order for it to be effective. I felt sick physically, and basically felt I had fulfilled what I had set out to do in prayer. This is why I broke my fast. I feel I've done all I can do. Now I can pack for our trip. I wish I did not need to pack diapers, but I think I can not help it. I have to prepare to take Jessica just as she is. I'm very happy I'm taking her. I'm full of joy. Joy was one thing I prayed for. I feel so much joy! I am not going to worry about Jessica being healthy or autistic. I love her, and we will have a wonderful blessed time. At some point I hope God will heal my sweetheart. We will be going to the International house of prayer healing room on Friday the 25Th of July (God willing), and Reinhard Bonnke on July 26Th, and Todd Bentley on July26Th. Those are some pretty powerful opportunities to receive prayer. I will recieve whatever God wants to give us. I'm so open to receive from my good God.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Should we go after healing?

Is it really wrong to want healing for Jessica? Should I just accept that this is how it is? Do I need a sign from God? I do believe in God. I don't think I need God to prove himself. I don't think I need a sign. But God is a compassionate God, and Jessica has a real need. She isn't happy being autistic. She wants to be whole. I want her to be whole. Is autism God's will? I don't think it is. I think sickness and disease is a work of the enemy. Should I just accept the enemy robbing Jessica of her voice and any kind of a normal life? I think I should not accept this. I will always love God, no matter what! But should I accept this? No...I will keep asking, seeking, and knocking. God please give me the faith to keep asking.

Today is the 9Th day of my fast for Jessica's healing. Today I feel like "how am I going to feel if it just does not happen"? I feel really sad. Then I need to remind myself that God is good. I do not know if it will happen, but I know 100% that God is good. I am investing in the kingdom of God. God will honor this investment. I don't know if God will heal Jessica, but I know he will receive my prayers and bless me. I will trust God now. I will trust him with the out come.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Jesus is a lion

Jessica loves to see lions. Every lion photo, every lion sculpture she points out. I always tell her that Jesus is a lion...and Jessica is just like him. Full of courage and brave and strong.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I'm still praying

I don't think I wrote it down but I've been fasting and praying for Jessica's healing. I guess it's been 6 days so far. I plan to fast , God willing until next Sunday (10 days). Why 10 days? I began on July 4TH, and will end it on July 14Th. Juergen's mom was born on July 14TH. I am hoping for a real breakthrough by her birthday.

Jess has been calm this week. She even let me put her hair up before school today. I want God to heal her before she goes to America. I don't want to bring diapers. I also want to celebrate her healing in the USA. Sure, I will accept her healing any day, any time but I might as well ask God for what I want. I want it on the 14TH. I want joy in the USA. I want JOY!!!! Oh, yesterday I felt like I should buy Jessica under ware. I went to the store and the first under ware I picked up had Mickey Mouse on them. Perfect!!! Jessica still wares diapers. I hope she can use these new Mickey under ware at Disneyland.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Kung Fu Panda

Today we took all our kids to see Kung Fu Panda . All our kids. Jessica doesn't generally go to movies. I can not remember the last time she was able to sit in a theater but I've been praying. She was restless but sat through the entire film. Now she is so proud of herself. I can not wait to see what she tells her teachers this week. I'll have to buy her a Kung Fu Panda t-shirt or something when I am at Disneyland in a few weeks. Thank God for the small steps of progress I see emerging in her life.

Friday, July 04, 2008

she wants it

Last night I almost forgot to pray for Jessica. I've been praying every night for her healing. She grabbed my hand as I tucked her in to bed. She wanted prayer. And so I prayed, "God heal Jessica...deliver her from this autism...loosen her tongue so that she can talk...freedom God...freedom...In Jesus wonderful name... Amen"!!!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Hope deferred makes the heart sick

I was standing with Jessica today waiting for her bus to come. She was very sweet. I talked to her about our trip. At one point she presses into me giving me a warm hug. I said, "Jessica are you ready to be healed"? She pulls away and walks away. I said "Jessica, do not doubt it, God loves you and wants to make you whole". She wants it too, I know it. She is just so afraid it will never happen and hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A good hair day

This morning Jessica could not wait to go to school. She is meeting a friend, her teacher of 9 years Frau Grimm. The school has decided Jessica needs to get use to new people, so they hired a new personal aid for Jessica. She only gets her old teacher one time per week. She was so happy it was Grimm day she got on the bus and kissed the driver! I feel a little sorry for her new aid, but you can never replace the love of an old friend.

Thursday, June 26, 2008

God is good

"He is good and His love endures forever, He is good and His love endures forever...forever"!!! This is the praise song the band at the Lakeland revival was playing just now. I just met my good friend Inkeri. I told her I would take Jessica for prayer in California. I have gotten some pretty negative feedback from a number of people who think I'm basically crazy. I have to admit I should be use to the negative stuff but it always discourages me. I know what I'm doing. I'm not crazy. I know what the Bible says about healing. Why would I believe God can save our sins, but not believe this same God can heal?

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

Jesus died for our sins, but was also wounded for our healing! Any way, Inkeri was wonderful as always. She did not discourage me, she prayed for me.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I'm weak in the knees

I lose heart. I think the closer I get to our trip the more fear grows in my heart. A week ago I was excited. I had so much hope. Now I feel like even if I go to all the "big" meetings with the "important" healers nothing is going to happen. I will go away disappointed. I will beg my Heavenly Father for the desire of my heart and I will be hurt. Where does this come from? Why would I feel God will leave me empty? Healing for Jessica just seems such a big mountain to "move". I can pray, "God bless me",but God heal Jessica seems so big. I could believe for others, but for her? I think it just makes everything so strange to fix my eyes on healing. I actually know my Heavenly Father knows what I need (and want). I can not feel like a beggar. I can not hold my breath just hoping that Jessica will be touched by God. This is way out of my hands. All I can do is long to touch God. All I can seek is Gods presence. I know if I can be in his presence then I will be satisfied no matter what happens. If Jess gets healed great. If not I can not control it. I have asked. I will keep asking, but it just can not be such a fixation. I'm losing heart. I feel so much despair. I need peace. If I am in Gods hand, I know it will be perfect no matter what happens. I don't think its pride, I would beg if I felt it would change things. I just get the feeling I do not have my focus in the right place. I am looking at the need not the answer. God is my answer...if I have him I have everything. With out him, I have nothing.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Believe and not doubt

Believe and not doubt

Last night I told a Christian friend I was taking Jessica to the revival meeting. She responded with a question, “and you want to see God heal Jessica”?????
Her question was so filled with doubt it made me feel like a stupid fool. I tried to stay calm. I asked her the question “do you believe God can heal”? She said she has never seen it and has only read about it in the Bible. I tell you, I believe that God heals. I know I must look like some kind of religious freak. I guess that’s ok with me. I’m not proud, I’m so desperate. I’m not just desperate to see Jessica healed. I’m also desperate for more of God. I want more of God. I love Jessica so much. I’ll never stop looking for her healing. I have always believed God can heal. I know we don’t see healing so much in the west…but I also believe that is also going to change. We will all see God’s manifest glory and then it will not be so hard to believe. For Jessica’s sake, I hope we see the healing revival hit Germany soon.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Randy Clark On Healing & Miracles

I was laying in bed with Jessica holding her hand. I was praying for her to be healed. Then I heard the name Randy Clark. I have never heard Randy Clark, I thought he was a singer. I looked him up on you tube and this is what I found.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

a letter

Tonight I felt like I should write a short letter about Jessica's autism. It's a short history and some photos of her. I'm going to the USA to pray for her healing. I am hoping, by faith that Jessica is so healed I will need some "proof" that she was ever sick. Of course I don't need to prove her autism to anyone that knows us. I guess it's just a step of faith. I've been thinking about it for days. I hope I will have a very good reason to use this paper. I will leave that in God's hands. I was driving in the car, bringing Sarah home from swimming. She wanted an ice cream NOW!!! I said, I will give you an ice cream, just later. Later was not the answer she wanted to hear. I said, later. Then I felt God speak to my heart. He said, would you trust me with Jessicas healing. If I say I will give you what you want, I just get to say when. I said OK God. Tell me yes, and I will just trust you for the when. I hope God will heal Jessica even before we go to America. I want to leave the diapers at home. I want to spend 2 weeks just celebrating what God has done. I don't want to feel any pressure like, Oh man, we are going to see Bonnke...Jessica has to be healed NOW!!! I'm waiting for God to give me a very clear "yes I will heal her, just trust me". So far I have not gotten a yes. And so I just keep seeking, asking.

Friday, June 20, 2008


I wanted to begin to write about Jessica's summer trip to America. I plan to publish this at the end of July when we go to Oregon. I have not told my parents I'm bringing Jessica. I want to keep this a surprise. This is why I am delaying the publication of this and future posts.
Today I bought tickets to see Reinhard Bonnke at a prayer breakfast in Anaheim on the 26Th of July. I had to change my airline tickets. We now fly to Oregon one day later. My parents will be sad about this, but they don't know I will have Jessica with me.
Todd Bentley will also be preaching on the evening of July 26Th in LA. So I will (God willing) be taking Jessica there too. Todd Bentley has been praying for thousands of people in Florida and many amazing miracles have taken place. I have such a great hope of expectation God will bless Jessica on our trip. Reinhard Bonnke wrote in his latest newsletter, " the atmosphere of expectation is the seedbed of miracles". My expectation is high, and a miracle is what we need.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

I'm Looking into Neurofeedback

Recent research has shown that autistic disorders have as their
basis disturbances of neural connectivity. Neurofeedback
seems capable of remediating such disturbances when
these data are considered as part of treatment planning.
Connectivity-guided neurofeedback is capable of significantly
remedying these anomalies and reducing autistic symptoms

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Tomatis for Autism


I just ran across this family support group for families of Autistic kids. It looks really great. If you have an autistic child you may want to check them out. I think I will look into their on line support group.

After the parade has gone by

As I watched all the coverage CNN gave to Autism yesterday, I was amazed. I don't think I've ever seen them cover any subject (apart from the election) quit so well. Really, it was amazing. I'm sure many people, who had no idea about Autism learned allot. That is wonderful. But today I feel like someone left to pick up the paper and spilled popcorn after the parade has past by. I just changed Jessica's stinky diaper. She may be more understood by more people (that is very good) but she is still sick. The world may take notice of our kids one time per year, but we fight this battle every day. I have to be honest, I wish she was not Autistic. I wish I could say I did not understand this need so very well! But I do understand it. I simply need to gather my courage up, and just keep walking. I know (sadly) I am not alone. Million’s of other families all around this world are also scraping the gum off the side walk today. We serve our kids. It was nice the world stopped and took notice. None of us are doing this for the attention any way. It is a labor of love. I truly love my girl!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

CNN's Autism news

HERE is a link to CNN's autism news. They have about 20 videos and stories from around the world (China, India, the Middle East and the USA). Interesting stuff.

Autism the gift

This is the beautiful words of one mom. Her son had autism. He died from a heart problem. He totally reminds me of Jessica (the diapers, and the loving heart). Jessica also goes up to strangers and hugs them. I've seen sad lonely people in tears because Jessica hugged them.

My child has autism, what do I do?

I posted a note about my autism blog on a few Yahoo groups last night. This morning I had 3 e-mails from families that just found out one of their kids has a form of autism. If I could hug you I would. I know how hard and sad it is. It took us 6 years to find out Jessica had autism. She began speaking when she was 6 months old. She lost her speech and many other skills at 18 months of age. We sought help. Know one gave us a straight answer. We went from specialist to specialist. It took 6 years to finally hear the words autism. They say that it is so important to receive early intervention. We lost many important years. Unless God heals Jessica (and I do believe in healing) Jessica will never recover from Autism. But your child is young. Your child does not need to wait. Start by reading Jaquelyn McCandles: Children with starving brains. Find a DAN Dr. Also, get your child into an early educational program.
People are seeing their children recover from autism. Not every child can or will recover. Girls don't seem to recover as well as boys. Every child benefits from intervention. Autism is a sickness. It has very real symptoms that can be treated. I don't fight autism, but the symptoms of autism. The sleeping problems, the digestive problems. These are the things I can actually do something about. I can not make Jessica better, as in "normal". I can however help her become healthier. When she is healthier, she can manage stuff better.
One final thought. If your child has a form of autism you are going to feel the loss. You lost the “perfect”, “normal” child we all hope to have. The future (both your Childs future and your own…because this will effect you) seems uncertain. Realize you lost that perfect child, but you still have a child. They maybe a stranger but they live. They have worth. They have value. They will march to a totally different drummer, and you will find in yourself strength you never knew you had. Do not lose yourself in the process. Don’t lose your marriage (I write this because 85 % of all couples with an autistic child end up divorced). Treatment for autism can be an emotional roller coaster of hopes and disappointments. Do what you can for your child, but realize even the very best parents have no control over how one child responds to treatment. Some respond, others do not. Let go of your expectations…Just love your child and try to help them get healthier. If you are a person who can learn to value what is in front of you, and not mourn for what you may never have you will inspire the world. You will also be happy. If you fall into the mud, and never get up…you will lose more then your child. You are not alone. Unfortunately millions of families around the world deal with autism. We all feel the loss because our child is sick. Some of us learn to fight, and we also achieve extraordinary things because we learned to rise to this challenge. Learn to love your child right now…where they are and how they are. Work very hard, and do not worry about where you will be in 5 years or even 6 months. Don’t compare your child to anyone else. Learn to love them.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Some of Jessica's thoughts

Jan 2000

Dear Oma, I want to express family thanks to you. We were currently very much shocked when we found out that you have to leave us. Daddy makes very sad face and mom started to cry. You are such a good person. And also you comfort everyone else. I am worried about opa because he will then be alone.
I was told in religion class that we live on after we die. I was surprised to notice that I am not afraid of death, because then all will be healthy and meet again. Also I will then be without disability. Let us leave anguish behind and plant hope in our hearts.

March 6, 2008 (Jessica's questions in her Religion class at school)

Question: Do large reactions sometimes have to happen to cause betterment of the world? I mean, if desaster times are necessary to make people believe again?

Question: I want to know why God is sad when people disobey [him].

I like to go into the religion class and am considering to be nice and behave well

Question: Can Mr Kamuf tell me if the righ to be a guest on earth must be earned?

[What do you mean by that?]

I mean if we have to earn the new life by virtuous behavior? I am in anguish because I do not know what worthless life of disabled people is supposed to accomplish. I cannot let up being watchfull.

[What do you mean?]

I mean, why do bad hearts have to wait for heaven time and are not punished on earth? I am very thankful for these conversations and will try to behave.

Mr. Kamuf [the religion teacher] has respectfully given me comfort. I can bear autistic disability better now. We will tell him that he has to come again and talk to us.

Service Dogs May Help Autistic Children

Here is another story about service dogs. I wish they had something like this in Germany. Jessica should have a dog! We have a dog, but he is no help!!!

How is autism diagnosed?

Autism varies widely in its severity and symptoms and may go unrecognized, especially in mildly affected children or when it is masked by more debilitating handicaps. Doctors rely on a core group of behaviors to alert them to the possibility of a diagnosis of autism. These behaviors are:

impaired ability to make friends with peers
impaired ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
absence or impairment of imaginative and social play
stereotyped, repetitive, or unusual use of language
restricted patterns of interest that are abnormal in intensity or focus
preoccupation with certain objects or subjects
inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals

Doctors will often use a questionnaire or other screening instrument to gather information about a child’s development and behavior. Some screening instruments rely solely on parent observations; others rely on a combination of parent and doctor observations. If screening instruments indicate the possibility of autism, doctors will ask for a more comprehensive evaluation.

Autism is a complex disorder. A comprehensive evaluation requires a multidisciplinary team including a psychologist, neurologist, psychiatrist, speech therapist, and other professionals who diagnose children with ASDs. The team members will conduct a thorough neurological assessment and in-depth cognitive and language testing. Because hearing problems can cause behaviors that could be mistaken for autism, children with delayed speech development should also have their hearing tested. After a thorough evaluation, the team usually meets with parents to explain the results of the evaluation and present the diagnosis.

Children with some symptoms of autism, but not enough to be diagnosed with classical autism, are often diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Children with autistic behaviors but well-developed language skills are often diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Children who develop normally and then suddenly deteriorate between the ages of 3 to 10 years and show marked autistic behaviors may be diagnosed with childhood disintegrative disorder. Girls with autistic symptoms may be suffering from Rett syndrome, a sex-linked genetic disorder characterized by social withdrawal, regressed language skills, and hand wringing.

Autism in South Africa

Sunday, March 30, 2008

What is autism?

Autism (sometimes called “classical autism”) is the most common condition in a group of developmental disorders known as the autism spectrum disorders (ASDs). Autism is characterized by impaired social interaction, problems with verbal and nonverbal communication, and unusual, repetitive, or severely limited activities and interests. Other ASDs include Asperger syndrome, Rett syndrome, childhood disintegrative disorder, and pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (usually referred to as PDD-NOS). Experts estimate that three to six children out of every 1,000 will have autism. Males are four times more likely to have autism than females.

Autism month

April is Autism awareness month. There is already a great deal written about it on the Internet. I saw an ad on CNN about the scope of Autism. It made me cry. I really can not say why. I don't really think it was because Jessica has Autism. I think it was sadness about all those other children who have it...and all those families affected by it. Autism has become far to common, yet it has more then a common impact upon our lives.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Extreme Home makeover

Extreme Home makeover helped a family that has 5 autistic kids. I wish I could also get an extreme home makeover!

Dog helps autistic girl

Helper dog helps an autistic girl.

Friday, March 07, 2008

No day in court

I’m very sad today. Now and then I get hit by a wave of sorrow. I feel like I could just drown in it. God lift my head up so that I can breath. I watched a short report on Larry King on CNN. It was an interview of a family whose daughter has autism. They just won a court settlement against a drug company who put mercury in the vaccinations that may have caused this girls autism. There are over 5000 families waiting for their day in court. Our family will never receive justice. There is a 3 year statute of limitation on law suites against drug companies. So little was known back in 1993 when Jessica first received the vaccinations that took away her voice and her future. It took over 5 years for us to even learn she was on some kind of autism spectrum. I’m grateful if the companies are forced to take mercury out of vaccinations. I’m grateful if children and their families receive at least some small form of compensation. Only God himself can wipe away my tears and make up for all I have lost. There will never be any justice for us on earth. I need to remind myself that God is very good. He is the God to those who feel powerless. I am not against doctors and vaccinations. Doctors saved Jessica’s life when she was just 3 months old with a heart condition. Vaccinations save millions of people from sickness. It is the desire to make cheap drugs with harmful preservatives like mercury that I am agents. It was the drug company’s desire to save $1 per vaccination that drove them to use mercury. My daughter could speak when she was just 6 months old. Now she has no voice, no friends, and very little future. My heart hurts…and we will never receive our day in court. Who ever said life was fair? It is not fair. It is a short life, and it will soon pass away. It is a very fragile thing. My sweet baby was broken. It is nothing that can be corrected. No court date or money could make up for it. I am glad for the families that will receive money. Autism cost so much money to treat. Nothing could replace our children. I feel so much loss today. Something like this makes me look at what I have lost. I guess what I need more then anything is to fix my eyes on everything else I have. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. Even without a voice Jessica is a treasure to me. How we feel often depends on where our focus is. In the end I will say I am rich. I have been made rich. I have much more then I deserve. I am blessed.

Friday, February 22, 2008

finding her voice

Here is a news story sent to me by my friend Heather about an autistic girl who learned to use the computer to write. I love the voice generator on her computer. This kind of sound scares Jessica, so I don't think she would ever use something like this. Perhaps we can try it? Jessica does write, but not often. I would love to communicate more with her. You have no idea what a gift words are until you do not have them.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Saturday, January 12, 2008

Jessica bird

Jessica loves to rip paper. Over Christmas we gave her a large number of science magazines to read and rip. It was part of her Christmas gifts. I pick up a very large bag of old paper from her floor every weekend. Don't get all upset with me about the trees...I try to give her really old magazines no one wants anyway. She often sits in this paper. I was changing her for bed. I said "Jessica, you look like a big bird sitting on your nest". She smiled at me and said very clearly "bird"! So now I'm calling her "Jessie bird". She loves it!