Sunday, November 30, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Friday, October 03, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
I'm looking for information about cord blood or adult stem cell treatment for Autism. Does anyone know anything about this? I think it can be done in Germany? I want to consider it for Jessica. It may not cure her (she is 17) but maybe it could help?
Monday, September 08, 2008
2. Her favorite food would be Chicken McNuggets with out any sauce.
3. She has been to 13 Countries, some of them many times.
4. She has been to Disneyland an absence number of times. Her favorite ride is it’s a Small World, although she also loved Splash Mountain when I took her to Disneyland at the end of July.
5. She loves to take drives in the car, especially at Christmas time.
6. She was baptized in the Jordon River in Israel. This was one of the best days of my life. Nicole was also baptized. The peace of God was all over her.
7. She reads people very well. She can not talk but she can write very colorful discretions of people.
8. She understands at least English and German. Every time she can, she listens to French, and Korean. For some reason, she just loves Korean?
9. I give Jessica the credit for many things, including my heart of compassion.
10. She is not very neat. She prefers her chaos.
11. She can walk a long way. It is hard to get her started, but she can walk for hours.
12. She never had sugar until she was a year old. She does not really like sugar now, but loves fresh fruit and salad. She is actually pretty healthy.
13. She can say fish, kitty, and sheep, and horse. She has never said Papa or Daddy. She has said Mama about 6 times in her life. Mostly she is non verbal.
14. She loves to look at fashion magazines. She also loves to wear new cloths, and feel pretty. She is much more of a girly girl then Nicole or Sarah.
15 She will sometimes give sad people a hug. She will grab the hands of strangers and say, “Oh”. I’ve seen her bring people to tears with her simple heart of love.
16. She loves God. She loves to discuss Theology with her teachers...she writes on the computer.
17. When I say "give me a kiss" she lights up and gives me a big loving smack!
Happy 17Th birthday my beautiful girl!!!
Yesterday morning we were sitting around the breakfast table. Thomas said something, I don't even recall what. I said, "sometimes we just need to understand that our time is not always God's time", "we need to trust God with what we want". As I said these words I began to cry. Thomas was confused. Why was I crying. Nicole and Juergen both understood. It was the final day of Jessica's 16Th year. I had a dream years ago that Jess would be healthy and normal when she was 16. I never knew if I could trust this dream as something from God, or just a mothers "wishful thinking". Well, she turned 17 years old today. She is still autistic. So how do I feel? Sort of disappointed. But I still love God, and I still love Jessica. I guess there are some questions that will remain unanswered until it is God's time. I still pray for that healing to come. I am very grateful today for this beautiful, funny, smart 17 year old that has always been a gift to us. I hope that some day I will see her healed but I love her deeply. She is a treasure partly hidden. I could be really sad about what I don't have or I can be glad about what I do have. What I do have is a sweet and loyal friend. Happy Birthday to my wonderful Jessica!!! I love you more then I could ever express. You are my compassionate teacher. I guard you but you lead me.
This is Jessica from birth until age 14
Sunday, September 07, 2008
John McCain was proud to lend his support to the Combating Autism Act of 2006, which he cosponsored, and worked to ensure its enactment. This law is helping to increase public awareness and screening of autism spectrum disorder, promote the use of evidence-based interventions, and create autism Centers of Excellence for Autism Spectrum Disorder Research and Epidemiology. John McCain understands that despite the federal and scientific research efforts to date, the exact causes of autism are not yet known and greater research is needed to understand this disorder. That is why in November 2007, he joined with Senator Lieberman in requesting the leadership of the Senate Health, Education, Labor and Pensions Committee, which has jurisdiction over federal research into autism, to hold a hearing on federal research efforts regarding factors affecting incidence and treatment in order to help determine where research efforts can best be directed. As President, John McCain will work to advance federal research into autism, promote early screening, and identify better treatment options, while providing support for children with autism so that they may reach their full potential.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I gave Jessica a shower this morning. This afternoon her hair was all shiny and curly. Where did she get all these curls? Her hair was so straight when she was a child?
What can I say about Jessica now that she is home from America? She is sweet, happy but still autistic. Have I given up hope of her being healed? No, I still have hope. Did I ever write about the time Sarah was begging Juergen to go swimming? Sarah is my 5 year old adopted daughter from China. She really wanted to go swimming. She was a little tired. She needed a nap. So she keeps begging Juergen to take her swimming. He says "maybe later" (he is hoping she will take a nap first). She gets in this broken record mode, she can not stop asking. She is crying, "Please Papa"!!! Crying and begging. Finally Juergen says "OK". But she is stuck, and can not stop begging. I go to her and say "Sarah Papa said yes". "Sarah, go get your suit because he said yes". Even as I say these words I hear the Holy Spirit speak to me. I hear the words, "Amy, I said yes"! I feel like I prayed, I begged. God said yes and I need to figure out how I can "go get my suit", or wait to receive Jessica’s healing. Any way, I feel like I am not supposed to keep begging...he has heard my cry!
Monday, August 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Monday, July 14, 2008
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Today is the 9Th day of my fast for Jessica's healing. Today I feel like "how am I going to feel if it just does not happen"? I feel really sad. Then I need to remind myself that God is good. I do not know if it will happen, but I know 100% that God is good. I am investing in the kingdom of God. God will honor this investment. I don't know if God will heal Jessica, but I know he will receive my prayers and bless me. I will trust God now. I will trust him with the out come.
Friday, July 11, 2008
Wednesday, July 09, 2008
Jess has been calm this week. She even let me put her hair up before school today. I want God to heal her before she goes to America. I don't want to bring diapers. I also want to celebrate her healing in the USA. Sure, I will accept her healing any day, any time but I might as well ask God for what I want. I want it on the 14TH. I want joy in the USA. I want JOY!!!! Oh, yesterday I felt like I should buy Jessica under ware. I went to the store and the first under ware I picked up had Mickey Mouse on them. Perfect!!! Jessica still wares diapers. I hope she can use these new Mickey under ware at Disneyland.
Sunday, July 06, 2008
Friday, July 04, 2008
Thursday, July 03, 2008
Wednesday, July 02, 2008
This morning Jessica could not wait to go to school. She is meeting a friend, her teacher of 9 years Frau Grimm. The school has decided Jessica needs to get use to new people, so they hired a new personal aid for Jessica. She only gets her old teacher one time per week. She was so happy it was Grimm day she got on the bus and kissed the driver! I feel a little sorry for her new aid, but you can never replace the love of an old friend.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.
Jesus died for our sins, but was also wounded for our healing! Any way, Inkeri was wonderful as always. She did not discourage me, she prayed for me.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Monday, June 23, 2008
Last night I told a Christian friend I was taking Jessica to the revival meeting. She responded with a question, “and you want to see God heal Jessica”?????
Her question was so filled with doubt it made me feel like a stupid fool. I tried to stay calm. I asked her the question “do you believe God can heal”? She said she has never seen it and has only read about it in the Bible. I tell you, I believe that God heals. I know I must look like some kind of religious freak. I guess that’s ok with me. I’m not proud, I’m so desperate. I’m not just desperate to see Jessica healed. I’m also desperate for more of God. I want more of God. I love Jessica so much. I’ll never stop looking for her healing. I have always believed God can heal. I know we don’t see healing so much in the west…but I also believe that is also going to change. We will all see God’s manifest glory and then it will not be so hard to believe. For Jessica’s sake, I hope we see the healing revival hit Germany soon.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
I was laying in bed with Jessica holding her hand. I was praying for her to be healed. Then I heard the name Randy Clark. I have never heard Randy Clark, I thought he was a singer. I looked him up on you tube and this is what I found.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
Today I bought tickets to see Reinhard Bonnke at a prayer breakfast in Anaheim on the 26Th of July. I had to change my airline tickets. We now fly to Oregon one day later. My parents will be sad about this, but they don't know I will have Jessica with me.
Todd Bentley will also be preaching on the evening of July 26Th in LA. So I will (God willing) be taking Jessica there too. Todd Bentley has been praying for thousands of people in Florida and many amazing miracles have taken place. I have such a great hope of expectation God will bless Jessica on our trip. Reinhard Bonnke wrote in his latest newsletter, " the atmosphere of expectation is the seedbed of miracles". My expectation is high, and a miracle is what we need.
Sunday, June 01, 2008
basis disturbances of neural connectivity. Neurofeedback
seems capable of remediating such disturbances when
these data are considered as part of treatment planning.
Connectivity-guided neurofeedback is capable of significantly
remedying these anomalies and reducing autistic symptoms
Monday, May 12, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
As I watched all the coverage CNN gave to Autism yesterday, I was amazed. I don't think I've ever seen them cover any subject (apart from the election) quit so well. Really, it was amazing. I'm sure many people, who had no idea about Autism learned allot. That is wonderful. But today I feel like someone left to pick up the paper and spilled popcorn after the parade has past by. I just changed Jessica's stinky diaper. She may be more understood by more people (that is very good) but she is still sick. The world may take notice of our kids one time per year, but we fight this battle every day. I have to be honest, I wish she was not Autistic. I wish I could say I did not understand this need so very well! But I do understand it. I simply need to gather my courage up, and just keep walking. I know (sadly) I am not alone. Million’s of other families all around this world are also scraping the gum off the side walk today. We serve our kids. It was nice the world stopped and took notice. None of us are doing this for the attention any way. It is a labor of love. I truly love my girl!
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
I posted a note about my autism blog on a few Yahoo groups last night. This morning I had 3 e-mails from families that just found out one of their kids has a form of autism. If I could hug you I would. I know how hard and sad it is. It took us 6 years to find out Jessica had autism. She began speaking when she was 6 months old. She lost her speech and many other skills at 18 months of age. We sought help. Know one gave us a straight answer. We went from specialist to specialist. It took 6 years to finally hear the words autism. They say that it is so important to receive early intervention. We lost many important years. Unless God heals Jessica (and I do believe in healing) Jessica will never recover from Autism. But your child is young. Your child does not need to wait. Start by reading Jaquelyn McCandles: Children with starving brains. Find a DAN Dr. Also, get your child into an early educational program.
People are seeing their children recover from autism. Not every child can or will recover. Girls don't seem to recover as well as boys. Every child benefits from intervention. Autism is a sickness. It has very real symptoms that can be treated. I don't fight autism, but the symptoms of autism. The sleeping problems, the digestive problems. These are the things I can actually do something about. I can not make Jessica better, as in "normal". I can however help her become healthier. When she is healthier, she can manage stuff better.
One final thought. If your child has a form of autism you are going to feel the loss. You lost the “perfect”, “normal” child we all hope to have. The future (both your Childs future and your own…because this will effect you) seems uncertain. Realize you lost that perfect child, but you still have a child. They maybe a stranger but they live. They have worth. They have value. They will march to a totally different drummer, and you will find in yourself strength you never knew you had. Do not lose yourself in the process. Don’t lose your marriage (I write this because 85 % of all couples with an autistic child end up divorced). Treatment for autism can be an emotional roller coaster of hopes and disappointments. Do what you can for your child, but realize even the very best parents have no control over how one child responds to treatment. Some respond, others do not. Let go of your expectations…Just love your child and try to help them get healthier. If you are a person who can learn to value what is in front of you, and not mourn for what you may never have you will inspire the world. You will also be happy. If you fall into the mud, and never get up…you will lose more then your child. You are not alone. Unfortunately millions of families around the world deal with autism. We all feel the loss because our child is sick. Some of us learn to fight, and we also achieve extraordinary things because we learned to rise to this challenge. Learn to love your child right now…where they are and how they are. Work very hard, and do not worry about where you will be in 5 years or even 6 months. Don’t compare your child to anyone else. Learn to love them.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Dear Oma, I want to express family thanks to you. We were currently very much shocked when we found out that you have to leave us. Daddy makes very sad face and mom started to cry. You are such a good person. And also you comfort everyone else. I am worried about opa because he will then be alone.
I was told in religion class that we live on after we die. I was surprised to notice that I am not afraid of death, because then all will be healthy and meet again. Also I will then be without disability. Let us leave anguish behind and plant hope in our hearts.
March 6, 2008 (Jessica's questions in her Religion class at school)
Question: Do large reactions sometimes have to happen to cause betterment of the world? I mean, if desaster times are necessary to make people believe again?
Question: I want to know why God is sad when people disobey [him].
I like to go into the religion class and am considering to be nice and behave well
Question: Can Mr Kamuf tell me if the righ to be a guest on earth must be earned?
[What do you mean by that?]
I mean if we have to earn the new life by virtuous behavior? I am in anguish because I do not know what worthless life of disabled people is supposed to accomplish. I cannot let up being watchfull.
[What do you mean?]
I mean, why do bad hearts have to wait for heaven time and are not punished on earth? I am very thankful for these conversations and will try to behave.
Mr. Kamuf [the religion teacher] has respectfully given me comfort. I can bear autistic disability better now. We will tell him that he has to come again and talk to us.
impaired ability to make friends with peers
impaired ability to initiate or sustain a conversation with others
absence or impairment of imaginative and social play
stereotyped, repetitive, or unusual use of language
restricted patterns of interest that are abnormal in intensity or focus
preoccupation with certain objects or subjects
inflexible adherence to specific routines or rituals
Doctors will often use a questionnaire or other screening instrument to gather information about a child’s development and behavior. Some screening instruments rely solely on parent observations; others rely on a combination of parent and doctor observations. If screening instruments indicate the possibility of autism, doctors will ask for a more comprehensive evaluation.
Autism is a complex disorder. A comprehensive evaluation requires a multidisciplinary team including a psychologist, neurologist, psychiatrist, speech therapist, and other professionals who diagnose children with ASDs. The team members will conduct a thorough neurological assessment and in-depth cognitive and language testing. Because hearing problems can cause behaviors that could be mistaken for autism, children with delayed speech development should also have their hearing tested. After a thorough evaluation, the team usually meets with parents to explain the results of the evaluation and present the diagnosis.
Children with some symptoms of autism, but not enough to be diagnosed with classical autism, are often diagnosed with PDD-NOS. Children with autistic behaviors but well-developed language skills are often diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Children who develop normally and then suddenly deteriorate between the ages of 3 to 10 years and show marked autistic behaviors may be diagnosed with childhood disintegrative disorder. Girls with autistic symptoms may be suffering from Rett syndrome, a sex-linked genetic disorder characterized by social withdrawal, regressed language skills, and hand wringing.
Sunday, March 30, 2008
April is Autism awareness month. There is already a great deal written about it on the Internet. I saw an ad on CNN about the scope of Autism. It made me cry. I really can not say why. I don't really think it was because Jessica has Autism. I think it was sadness about all those other children who have it...and all those families affected by it. Autism has become far to common, yet it has more then a common impact upon our lives.
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Friday, March 07, 2008
I’m very sad today. Now and then I get hit by a wave of sorrow. I feel like I could just drown in it. God lift my head up so that I can breath. I watched a short report on Larry King on CNN. It was an interview of a family whose daughter has autism. They just won a court settlement against a drug company who put mercury in the vaccinations that may have caused this girls autism. There are over 5000 families waiting for their day in court. Our family will never receive justice. There is a 3 year statute of limitation on law suites against drug companies. So little was known back in 1993 when Jessica first received the vaccinations that took away her voice and her future. It took over 5 years for us to even learn she was on some kind of autism spectrum. I’m grateful if the companies are forced to take mercury out of vaccinations. I’m grateful if children and their families receive at least some small form of compensation. Only God himself can wipe away my tears and make up for all I have lost. There will never be any justice for us on earth. I need to remind myself that God is very good. He is the God to those who feel powerless. I am not against doctors and vaccinations. Doctors saved Jessica’s life when she was just 3 months old with a heart condition. Vaccinations save millions of people from sickness. It is the desire to make cheap drugs with harmful preservatives like mercury that I am agents. It was the drug company’s desire to save $1 per vaccination that drove them to use mercury. My daughter could speak when she was just 6 months old. Now she has no voice, no friends, and very little future. My heart hurts…and we will never receive our day in court. Who ever said life was fair? It is not fair. It is a short life, and it will soon pass away. It is a very fragile thing. My sweet baby was broken. It is nothing that can be corrected. No court date or money could make up for it. I am glad for the families that will receive money. Autism cost so much money to treat. Nothing could replace our children. I feel so much loss today. Something like this makes me look at what I have lost. I guess what I need more then anything is to fix my eyes on everything else I have. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. Even without a voice Jessica is a treasure to me. How we feel often depends on where our focus is. In the end I will say I am rich. I have been made rich. I have much more then I deserve. I am blessed.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Jessica loves to rip paper. Over Christmas we gave her a large number of science magazines to read and rip. It was part of her Christmas gifts. I pick up a very large bag of old paper from her floor every weekend. Don't get all upset with me about the trees...I try to give her really old magazines no one wants anyway. She often sits in this paper. I was changing her for bed. I said "Jessica, you look like a big bird sitting on your nest". She smiled at me and said very clearly "bird"! So now I'm calling her "Jessie bird". She loves it!