Friday, March 07, 2008

No day in court

I’m very sad today. Now and then I get hit by a wave of sorrow. I feel like I could just drown in it. God lift my head up so that I can breath. I watched a short report on Larry King on CNN. It was an interview of a family whose daughter has autism. They just won a court settlement against a drug company who put mercury in the vaccinations that may have caused this girls autism. There are over 5000 families waiting for their day in court. Our family will never receive justice. There is a 3 year statute of limitation on law suites against drug companies. So little was known back in 1993 when Jessica first received the vaccinations that took away her voice and her future. It took over 5 years for us to even learn she was on some kind of autism spectrum. I’m grateful if the companies are forced to take mercury out of vaccinations. I’m grateful if children and their families receive at least some small form of compensation. Only God himself can wipe away my tears and make up for all I have lost. There will never be any justice for us on earth. I need to remind myself that God is very good. He is the God to those who feel powerless. I am not against doctors and vaccinations. Doctors saved Jessica’s life when she was just 3 months old with a heart condition. Vaccinations save millions of people from sickness. It is the desire to make cheap drugs with harmful preservatives like mercury that I am agents. It was the drug company’s desire to save $1 per vaccination that drove them to use mercury. My daughter could speak when she was just 6 months old. Now she has no voice, no friends, and very little future. My heart hurts…and we will never receive our day in court. Who ever said life was fair? It is not fair. It is a short life, and it will soon pass away. It is a very fragile thing. My sweet baby was broken. It is nothing that can be corrected. No court date or money could make up for it. I am glad for the families that will receive money. Autism cost so much money to treat. Nothing could replace our children. I feel so much loss today. Something like this makes me look at what I have lost. I guess what I need more then anything is to fix my eyes on everything else I have. I am overwhelmed by the goodness of God. Even without a voice Jessica is a treasure to me. How we feel often depends on where our focus is. In the end I will say I am rich. I have been made rich. I have much more then I deserve. I am blessed.

1 comment:

Jill W said...

My heart goes out to you and to Jessica. This is such an injustice. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better. Just know that I pray for you & hope you can seek comfort in knowing that God put Jessica in your care because He knew you were the right mom for her. He chose your family. Why, I don't know, but He knew you could handle this. Even when you feel overwhelmed, he knows you can do it. He knows you are the right one. Blessings to all of you.