Thursday, June 26, 2008

God is good

"He is good and His love endures forever, He is good and His love endures forever...forever"!!! This is the praise song the band at the Lakeland revival was playing just now. I just met my good friend Inkeri. I told her I would take Jessica for prayer in California. I have gotten some pretty negative feedback from a number of people who think I'm basically crazy. I have to admit I should be use to the negative stuff but it always discourages me. I know what I'm doing. I'm not crazy. I know what the Bible says about healing. Why would I believe God can save our sins, but not believe this same God can heal?

But he was pierced for our transgressions,
he was crushed for our iniquities;
the punishment that brought us peace was upon him,
and by his wounds we are healed.

Isaiah 53:5

Jesus died for our sins, but was also wounded for our healing! Any way, Inkeri was wonderful as always. She did not discourage me, she prayed for me.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I'm weak in the knees

I lose heart. I think the closer I get to our trip the more fear grows in my heart. A week ago I was excited. I had so much hope. Now I feel like even if I go to all the "big" meetings with the "important" healers nothing is going to happen. I will go away disappointed. I will beg my Heavenly Father for the desire of my heart and I will be hurt. Where does this come from? Why would I feel God will leave me empty? Healing for Jessica just seems such a big mountain to "move". I can pray, "God bless me",but God heal Jessica seems so big. I could believe for others, but for her? I think it just makes everything so strange to fix my eyes on healing. I actually know my Heavenly Father knows what I need (and want). I can not feel like a beggar. I can not hold my breath just hoping that Jessica will be touched by God. This is way out of my hands. All I can do is long to touch God. All I can seek is Gods presence. I know if I can be in his presence then I will be satisfied no matter what happens. If Jess gets healed great. If not I can not control it. I have asked. I will keep asking, but it just can not be such a fixation. I'm losing heart. I feel so much despair. I need peace. If I am in Gods hand, I know it will be perfect no matter what happens. I don't think its pride, I would beg if I felt it would change things. I just get the feeling I do not have my focus in the right place. I am looking at the need not the answer. God is my answer...if I have him I have everything. With out him, I have nothing.

Monday, June 23, 2008

Believe and not doubt

Believe and not doubt

Last night I told a Christian friend I was taking Jessica to the revival meeting. She responded with a question, “and you want to see God heal Jessica”?????
Her question was so filled with doubt it made me feel like a stupid fool. I tried to stay calm. I asked her the question “do you believe God can heal”? She said she has never seen it and has only read about it in the Bible. I tell you, I believe that God heals. I know I must look like some kind of religious freak. I guess that’s ok with me. I’m not proud, I’m so desperate. I’m not just desperate to see Jessica healed. I’m also desperate for more of God. I want more of God. I love Jessica so much. I’ll never stop looking for her healing. I have always believed God can heal. I know we don’t see healing so much in the west…but I also believe that is also going to change. We will all see God’s manifest glory and then it will not be so hard to believe. For Jessica’s sake, I hope we see the healing revival hit Germany soon.

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Randy Clark On Healing & Miracles

I was laying in bed with Jessica holding her hand. I was praying for her to be healed. Then I heard the name Randy Clark. I have never heard Randy Clark, I thought he was a singer. I looked him up on you tube and this is what I found.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

a letter

Tonight I felt like I should write a short letter about Jessica's autism. It's a short history and some photos of her. I'm going to the USA to pray for her healing. I am hoping, by faith that Jessica is so healed I will need some "proof" that she was ever sick. Of course I don't need to prove her autism to anyone that knows us. I guess it's just a step of faith. I've been thinking about it for days. I hope I will have a very good reason to use this paper. I will leave that in God's hands. I was driving in the car, bringing Sarah home from swimming. She wanted an ice cream NOW!!! I said, I will give you an ice cream, just later. Later was not the answer she wanted to hear. I said, later. Then I felt God speak to my heart. He said, would you trust me with Jessicas healing. If I say I will give you what you want, I just get to say when. I said OK God. Tell me yes, and I will just trust you for the when. I hope God will heal Jessica even before we go to America. I want to leave the diapers at home. I want to spend 2 weeks just celebrating what God has done. I don't want to feel any pressure like, Oh man, we are going to see Bonnke...Jessica has to be healed NOW!!! I'm waiting for God to give me a very clear "yes I will heal her, just trust me". So far I have not gotten a yes. And so I just keep seeking, asking.

Friday, June 20, 2008


I wanted to begin to write about Jessica's summer trip to America. I plan to publish this at the end of July when we go to Oregon. I have not told my parents I'm bringing Jessica. I want to keep this a surprise. This is why I am delaying the publication of this and future posts.
Today I bought tickets to see Reinhard Bonnke at a prayer breakfast in Anaheim on the 26Th of July. I had to change my airline tickets. We now fly to Oregon one day later. My parents will be sad about this, but they don't know I will have Jessica with me.
Todd Bentley will also be preaching on the evening of July 26Th in LA. So I will (God willing) be taking Jessica there too. Todd Bentley has been praying for thousands of people in Florida and many amazing miracles have taken place. I have such a great hope of expectation God will bless Jessica on our trip. Reinhard Bonnke wrote in his latest newsletter, " the atmosphere of expectation is the seedbed of miracles". My expectation is high, and a miracle is what we need.

Sunday, June 01, 2008

I'm Looking into Neurofeedback

Recent research has shown that autistic disorders have as their
basis disturbances of neural connectivity. Neurofeedback
seems capable of remediating such disturbances when
these data are considered as part of treatment planning.
Connectivity-guided neurofeedback is capable of significantly
remedying these anomalies and reducing autistic symptoms