Thursday, July 24, 2008

In San Diego

Jess is basically her normal self. She does not want to go anywhere. She wants to sit on the sofa and play with here DVD player. She did sleep well last night. She slept until 5:30 am. That's pretty good! She does want to tear paper, but so far she has only torn up one magazine I gave her (not Cindy"s books). If fact she is being a very good girl. She is not digging into stuff. She is also very sweet and happy. We shopped for Nicole's stuff yesterday. Then we gave Jess down time. She is also getting down time today. Tomorrow we are going to Sea World. Hopefully Jess will be ready to get out of the house. Tonight I am taking her to the healing room for prayer. I am believing God for a progressive work. I feel God has done a good thing in Jess as a result of the prayers of our Elders. She is super calm & full of joy. She handled the trip very well so far. When I think about it, I have never seen her so good. Yes, I think God has begun a work in her!

Wednesday, July 23, 2008

The real Disney story

Jess was a mess. She had jet lag so bad & only wanted to stay in our room. My arms are covered with bruises from trying to drag her out of her hole! We went to Disneyland at around noon. The first thing we did is have lunch. The lunch was very nice. After lunch Jess was falling apart so I brought her back to the hotel for a few hours. She did not sleep, but rested. then I dragged her back to Disneyland. I made her ride a ride. She liked it, so we did a few more rides. I even took her on splash Mountain. She actually liked it. At around 6 pm she started to really fall asleep. We slowly made our way to the car. Donna, Cindy, and Nicole stayed an extra hour and Jess slept in the car. I had a good time praying. we drove back to the hotel, and went to bed by 10pm. Jess slept half the night. She got up and wanted to play on her DVD player. I said no. She slept sitting in her chair until 7am.

Sunday, July 20, 2008

so ready

Jessica has had a shower and she is already in bed. It's not even 11pm. We leave in the morning at 7am. She is so ready to go. I praise God she is so happy. I hope she has a good flight. Normally she is very afraid on a flight. We have prayed and prayed. I just talked to my parents. They still don't know Jess is coming. I can not wait to see them in a week. How wonderful!!! I've been a mess thinking about the trip. I want so much to see Jess healed. God knows all I can do is come. I can not do much more. I go with so much hope and love in my heart. I'm sure our trip will be wonderful. I don't have any idea what will happen, but I'm sure we will be blessed.

Do you need to be young to have faith?

I listened to an African pastor speak today. He told the story of a young man who heard God call him to go to Bible school in America. He did not know where the school was,he just knew to go. He got a ticket and boarded an airplane. He had no money and no visa. When he arrived in the USA they asked him where he was going and if he had a visa. All he could say was that God told him to come. They put him in jail. When he was in jail he prayed a very passionate prayer. This prayer was heard by a guard who was a Christian. The guard called his pastor. He said pastor, if you can find a place for this man in a Bible school (and pay for the school) I can get him a visa. So the pastor found a school and the guard found a visa, and the young man stepped into his destiny. How did it happen? He followed the voice of God and he did not ask how. The only direction he needed was go. He heard go, and he totally trusted God to meet the need. I use to have faith like this when I was young. Tomorrow I go with Jessica and Nicole to America. I am seeking healing for Jessica. I want to know how...God wants me to just trust him. He tells me to just go. God give me the faith to just go.

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

What I hear...

I've spent many hours praying for Jessica's healing. I'm very desperate. I don't want autism anymore. I'm so sad I have to pack diapers. I'm sad I have to think about the flight, and the fear Jessica has. It is not what I want. I saw a faithful women who married a man she intended to marry for life. Then he left her for another women. It's Christmas. The women has to drop the kids off at daddy's house. She will be alone. She did nothing wrong. It is not what she planned or hopped for. She was robbed. But it is out of her hands. She must spend Christmas without her family. That is how autism makes me feel. I am robbed! I have to pack diapers for my 16 year old. I have to hold her hand and try to calm her down for the long flight. I hate autism!!! But then I recall how I met Juergen. I did not make that relationship happen. I was set up. God set me up. Some of the very best things that ever happened in my life where arranged by God. When God arranges something, he does it perfectly. So God gives me the feeling he is about to set me up. He is arranging my way. I have to give him my sadness and fear. He will turn it all around. He will wipe away my tears. He will bring beauty for ashes. I feel so sure I am being set up!

Monday, July 14, 2008

i pod

I bought Jessica an i pod with 167GB of storage and a video screen. Juergen is busy loading all her movies. It has a 12 hour battery. She should be able to watch all her movies during the long flight. What an amazing little computer. It has more memory then my laptop. So cool!!!!

Sunday, July 13, 2008

The end my fast

I broke my 10 day fast today. First I went to church and prayed with Christian who is an elder in the church. I wanted all the elders to pray for Jessica, but they want to schedule an extended time to do that. I'm not sure Jess will really allow anyone to pray for her for any extended time. I'm not sure it's necessary for a prayer to be long in order for it to be effective. I felt sick physically, and basically felt I had fulfilled what I had set out to do in prayer. This is why I broke my fast. I feel I've done all I can do. Now I can pack for our trip. I wish I did not need to pack diapers, but I think I can not help it. I have to prepare to take Jessica just as she is. I'm very happy I'm taking her. I'm full of joy. Joy was one thing I prayed for. I feel so much joy! I am not going to worry about Jessica being healthy or autistic. I love her, and we will have a wonderful blessed time. At some point I hope God will heal my sweetheart. We will be going to the International house of prayer healing room on Friday the 25Th of July (God willing), and Reinhard Bonnke on July 26Th, and Todd Bentley on July26Th. Those are some pretty powerful opportunities to receive prayer. I will recieve whatever God wants to give us. I'm so open to receive from my good God.

Saturday, July 12, 2008

Should we go after healing?

Is it really wrong to want healing for Jessica? Should I just accept that this is how it is? Do I need a sign from God? I do believe in God. I don't think I need God to prove himself. I don't think I need a sign. But God is a compassionate God, and Jessica has a real need. She isn't happy being autistic. She wants to be whole. I want her to be whole. Is autism God's will? I don't think it is. I think sickness and disease is a work of the enemy. Should I just accept the enemy robbing Jessica of her voice and any kind of a normal life? I think I should not accept this. I will always love God, no matter what! But should I accept this? No...I will keep asking, seeking, and knocking. God please give me the faith to keep asking.

Today is the 9Th day of my fast for Jessica's healing. Today I feel like "how am I going to feel if it just does not happen"? I feel really sad. Then I need to remind myself that God is good. I do not know if it will happen, but I know 100% that God is good. I am investing in the kingdom of God. God will honor this investment. I don't know if God will heal Jessica, but I know he will receive my prayers and bless me. I will trust God now. I will trust him with the out come.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Jesus is a lion

Jessica loves to see lions. Every lion photo, every lion sculpture she points out. I always tell her that Jesus is a lion...and Jessica is just like him. Full of courage and brave and strong.

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

I'm still praying

I don't think I wrote it down but I've been fasting and praying for Jessica's healing. I guess it's been 6 days so far. I plan to fast , God willing until next Sunday (10 days). Why 10 days? I began on July 4TH, and will end it on July 14Th. Juergen's mom was born on July 14TH. I am hoping for a real breakthrough by her birthday.

Jess has been calm this week. She even let me put her hair up before school today. I want God to heal her before she goes to America. I don't want to bring diapers. I also want to celebrate her healing in the USA. Sure, I will accept her healing any day, any time but I might as well ask God for what I want. I want it on the 14TH. I want joy in the USA. I want JOY!!!! Oh, yesterday I felt like I should buy Jessica under ware. I went to the store and the first under ware I picked up had Mickey Mouse on them. Perfect!!! Jessica still wares diapers. I hope she can use these new Mickey under ware at Disneyland.

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Kung Fu Panda

Today we took all our kids to see Kung Fu Panda . All our kids. Jessica doesn't generally go to movies. I can not remember the last time she was able to sit in a theater but I've been praying. She was restless but sat through the entire film. Now she is so proud of herself. I can not wait to see what she tells her teachers this week. I'll have to buy her a Kung Fu Panda t-shirt or something when I am at Disneyland in a few weeks. Thank God for the small steps of progress I see emerging in her life.

Friday, July 04, 2008

she wants it

Last night I almost forgot to pray for Jessica. I've been praying every night for her healing. She grabbed my hand as I tucked her in to bed. She wanted prayer. And so I prayed, "God heal Jessica...deliver her from this autism...loosen her tongue so that she can talk...freedom God...freedom...In Jesus wonderful name... Amen"!!!

Thursday, July 03, 2008

Hope deferred makes the heart sick

I was standing with Jessica today waiting for her bus to come. She was very sweet. I talked to her about our trip. At one point she presses into me giving me a warm hug. I said, "Jessica are you ready to be healed"? She pulls away and walks away. I said "Jessica, do not doubt it, God loves you and wants to make you whole". She wants it too, I know it. She is just so afraid it will never happen and hope deferred makes the heart sick.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

A good hair day

This morning Jessica could not wait to go to school. She is meeting a friend, her teacher of 9 years Frau Grimm. The school has decided Jessica needs to get use to new people, so they hired a new personal aid for Jessica. She only gets her old teacher one time per week. She was so happy it was Grimm day she got on the bus and kissed the driver! I feel a little sorry for her new aid, but you can never replace the love of an old friend.