Wednesday, July 16, 2008

What I hear...

I've spent many hours praying for Jessica's healing. I'm very desperate. I don't want autism anymore. I'm so sad I have to pack diapers. I'm sad I have to think about the flight, and the fear Jessica has. It is not what I want. I saw a faithful women who married a man she intended to marry for life. Then he left her for another women. It's Christmas. The women has to drop the kids off at daddy's house. She will be alone. She did nothing wrong. It is not what she planned or hopped for. She was robbed. But it is out of her hands. She must spend Christmas without her family. That is how autism makes me feel. I am robbed! I have to pack diapers for my 16 year old. I have to hold her hand and try to calm her down for the long flight. I hate autism!!! But then I recall how I met Juergen. I did not make that relationship happen. I was set up. God set me up. Some of the very best things that ever happened in my life where arranged by God. When God arranges something, he does it perfectly. So God gives me the feeling he is about to set me up. He is arranging my way. I have to give him my sadness and fear. He will turn it all around. He will wipe away my tears. He will bring beauty for ashes. I feel so sure I am being set up!

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