Monday, September 08, 2008
Jessica turns 17
Yesterday morning we were sitting around the breakfast table. Thomas said something, I don't even recall what. I said, "sometimes we just need to understand that our time is not always God's time", "we need to trust God with what we want". As I said these words I began to cry. Thomas was confused. Why was I crying. Nicole and Juergen both understood. It was the final day of Jessica's 16Th year. I had a dream years ago that Jess would be healthy and normal when she was 16. I never knew if I could trust this dream as something from God, or just a mothers "wishful thinking". Well, she turned 17 years old today. She is still autistic. So how do I feel? Sort of disappointed. But I still love God, and I still love Jessica. I guess there are some questions that will remain unanswered until it is God's time. I still pray for that healing to come. I am very grateful today for this beautiful, funny, smart 17 year old that has always been a gift to us. I hope that some day I will see her healed but I love her deeply. She is a treasure partly hidden. I could be really sad about what I don't have or I can be glad about what I do have. What I do have is a sweet and loyal friend. Happy Birthday to my wonderful Jessica!!! I love you more then I could ever express. You are my compassionate teacher. I guard you but you lead me.
This is Jessica from birth until age 14