Monday, September 08, 2008

Jessica turns 17

Yesterday morning we were sitting around the breakfast table. Thomas said something, I don't even recall what. I said, "sometimes we just need to understand that our time is not always God's time", "we need to trust God with what we want". As I said these words I began to cry. Thomas was confused. Why was I crying. Nicole and Juergen both understood. It was the final day of Jessica's 16Th year. I had a dream years ago that Jess would be healthy and normal when she was 16. I never knew if I could trust this dream as something from God, or just a mothers "wishful thinking". Well, she turned 17 years old today. She is still autistic. So how do I feel? Sort of disappointed. But I still love God, and I still love Jessica. I guess there are some questions that will remain unanswered until it is God's time. I still pray for that healing to come. I am very grateful today for this beautiful, funny, smart 17 year old that has always been a gift to us. I hope that some day I will see her healed but I love her deeply. She is a treasure partly hidden. I could be really sad about what I don't have or I can be glad about what I do have. What I do have is a sweet and loyal friend. Happy Birthday to my wonderful Jessica!!! I love you more then I could ever express. You are my compassionate teacher. I guard you but you lead me.

This is Jessica from birth until age 14

1 comment:

Beverly said...

Yes sometimes God's timing isn't ours. Jessica may not be perfectly healed in this world but one day she will be perfectly healed. Also, in God's perfect eyes she already is. Of course it is our sinful world who wants to say she isn't. Praying for you my friend!!