Sunday, July 01, 2007
I remember the night before Jessica was born. She was two weeks over due. We had visitors from Germany. They had hoped to see our new daughter. Instead we were out playing miniature golf. I had basically given up on ever having her. Then it happened. I sat up in bed around 1 am and just like a water balloon crashing to the pavement my water broke. From that time on, it was surreal. The drive to the hospital, the heavy contractions, the breathing. She was born the following afternoon in Kaiser Hospital in San Diego. There were a parade of Doctors and nurses. Every few hours the shift would change, and I would have a new Doctor and nurse, and another dozen medical students filing past my half nude body. I guess if I wasn't in so much pain I would have been embarrassed to have so many strangers in my room. That would have required losing my focus. My total focus was on her birth. Nothing else mattered. It never occurred to me she would be born on a wave of autism. In 1991 little was known about autism. Jessica was born with 4 different heart defects. This came as a huge surprise to us. When she finally had surgery at the age of 3 1/2 months, I was certain this was the greatest trail of my life. I've learned since then that that was merely a walk in the park. How could I have imagined myself to be so strong? I think looking back at that simple time I was living in a green house. God wanted to teach me to trust him in the desert. But just as he provided strength, guidance, and provision to his people Israel in the wilderness, God has also been with us. I have been driving Jessica Taxi for 16 years, but God is in the car with me. He often takes a hold of the wheel. When I feel like I can not move even one inch further, He adds some gas to the accelerator. We have come a million miles since those early days our beautiful daughter lost her sweet voice.